


Life Can Feel Much Better...

by Mordake



Category: Gentleman Jack (TV)
Genre: (not too explicit I promise), Alternate Universe - Canon, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Feels, Ann Walker meets Anne Lister, But proper sloooww, Catherine is cool, Cinnamon Roll Ann Walker (1803-1854), F/F, How Do I Tag, Past Abuse, Rating May Change, Slow Burn, There will be fluff at some point..., We'll see what happens...
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-06
Updated: 2020-01-01
Packaged: 2020-10-11 05:55:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 25,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20541203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mordake/pseuds/Mordake
Summary: Ann Walker has good meaning friends and meddling family. Everybody feels she needs a MAN to make her life better, solve her problems and be happy. Life has other plans for her. Will she let them drown her own voice and desires or will she let herself follow her own instincts to know what's right for her?





	1. The Failed Date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everybody! 
> 
> This is my first fic ever, although I've been reading for quite a long time in different fandoms. BUT Gentleman Jack (well, my obsession with this story and these characters) is what finally has made me write some of my own :)  
Please, forgive my English, as it's not my first (not even my second!) language, and I'm sure I'm going to mess up more than once. Also, I'm trying to revise everything before publishing it but I have no Beta reader, so if you see anything terrible I've done (besides the plot, hehe) please let me know. I hope you enjoy reading this!! 
> 
> PS: I don't know where I'm going rating wise, but I guess it may change later on (at least one or two steps), but we'll see...

She had been waiting for more than 30 minutes when Ann finally decided to leave. This date had never been a good idea, not ever, but she had accepted because… well, because her friend and cousin Catherine had insisted a bit too much. 

Catherine had been talking about Thomas for two weeks until she relented and went along with her friend’s plan although hearing so many compliments about that man made her uneasy. She had never said anything to anybody, not even herself after it had happened, but many years ago in a party they both attended as friends of friends of the organisers, Thomas Ainsworth had started kissing her and didn’t stop even when she refused his advances until someone had accidentally dropped a beer splashing them both. They were both drunk, Ann didn’t know how to feel about it, he acted as if nothing had happened, and she decided to never mention it again.

And now here she was, waiting at the entrance of the Cinema for all this time for this man that gave her goosebumps for all the wrong reasons. Why was she always letting Catherine, her friends, her cousins, her aunts, her uncles, even friends of her parents, organise her life? But she was done, she was leaving, even if she really wanted to see that film with that actress, what was her name again? well, that one that always gave such impressive performances. And just when she started walking towards the bus stop her phone vibrated indicating the arrival of a text…

  * [20:12] Thomas A : Ann, darling, are you there yet? I’m on my way…
  * [20:12] Thomas A: Did you get the tickets?
  * [20:12] Thomas A: Wait for me, ok? ;)

Was he for real? They were supposed to meet 20 minutes before the film started, and he was almost 15 minutes late from when it was supposed to start. So not even with the extra time from adds and trailers they could make it. Not at all. Great. 

  * [20:17] Thomas A: Darling, you there?
  * [20:17] Thomas A: I’m there in a sec
  * [20:19] Thomas A: Have you bought the tickets yet? I think it would be better so we can go in quickly. I’ll pay mine after, don’t worry ;)
  * [20:22] Thomas A: Darling, you mad?
  * [20:22] Thomas A: Don’t be, I’ll make this worth it, promised! ;)
  * [20:32] Thomas A: Hey, I’m in front of the cinema, cant see you. Where are you?
  * [20:32] Thomas A: Ann? 
  * [20:32] Thomas A: Are you inside? I’m not sure what to do…
  * _[20:35] Ann Darling: I’m almost home. No need to look for me. Sorry._
  * [20:35] Thomas A: Can I call you?
  * _[20:37] Ann Darling: I’m not sure that’s a good idea, I’m tired._
  * [20:37] Thomas A: Let me explain, please

He was calling! The gall of this guy! Ann let her phone ring, and ring, and ring until it went to voicemail. And again, another call. She decided to leave her phone at the kitchen table and take a long warm shower to feel a bit better with herself. Should she have waited a bit longer? Should she have accepted his calls? What was she going to tell Catherine? Well, that she knew at least, she was going to kill her first chance she had!

* * *

After a long, warm and relaxing shower she went back to her kitchen to grab something to eat, having completely forgotten about Ainsworth, his messages, and her annoyance at not having seen the film after having bought two tickets at the booth. Feeling rather lazy and not up to the task of cooking, Ann opened a sachet of porridge and prepared it, not as well as her mother used to do, but good enough for a sad Friday evening home lonely dinner. Out of habit, she grabbed her phone, her bowl of porridge, and sit down in the sofa to watch some tv that hopefully would empty her mind completely. Her phone vibrated.

  * [22:30] Cat R: What you doing? how’s it going????
  * _[22:30] Annie: Nothing special, watching telly at my place. You?_
  * [22:30] Cat R: WHAAAAAAAT??????
  * [22:30] Cat R: Are you serious?
  * [22:30] Cat R: Did you bring HIM home already? 
  * [22:30] Cat R: AAAAAAANNNNNNN!!!! OOOOOOOMMMMMGGGGGGG!!!!!
  * [22:31] Cat R: You dont need to tell me you’re “watching telly”, btw ;) ;) ;)
  * [22:31] Cat R: I think Im proud of you, hehehe, Id never said you’d be so bold! good for you, Ann!! 
  * _[22:32] Annie: What? What?_
  * _[22:32] Annie: What are you talking about?_
  * _[22:32] Annie: Cat, Im alone at home, Im really only watching telly…_
  * _[22:33] Annie: Shit, now I know what you mean… _
  * [22:33] Cat R: Yeah, idiot, your date! What happened??
  * _[22:33] Annie: Nothing, for real_
  * [22:33] Cat R: ??
  * _[22:33] Annie: He didn’t show up. Well, I think he did, I wasnt there_
  * [22:33] Cat R: What? You stood him up? Ann!!
  * [22:33] Cat R: Whyyy? He’s a nice guy! You shouldnt have done that!
  * _[22:33] Annie: Cat, he was laaaaaate, but like late late. _
  * _[22:33] Annie: He decided to arrive almost an hour after we were supposed to meet, more than half an hour late for the film itself_
  * _[22:34] Annie: So… I left. Im an idiot because I wanted to see the film and I had already bought the stupid tickets, but I was waiting for him for so long and I hate watching a film when it has already started :(_
  * _[22:34] Annie: So, yeah, thanks but no thanks. You can keep him ;)_
  * [22:35] Cat R: Shit, Ann, Im sorry… he seems genuinely interested in you. But that was a shit move. Sorry, love
  * _[22:35] Annie: No probs, not your fault, Cat… but next time you set me up on a date, please, make sure they understand how a fucking watch works… he was late for the film!_
  * [22:35] Cat R: That’s a crime ;)
  * _[22:35] Annie: yes… well, and what are you doing? didnt you have plans too?_
  * [22:36] Cat R: I was going out but lets say someone didnt show up either :(
  * [22:36] Cat R: Men know how to be shit sometimes… but we love them too much, don’t we? ;)
  * _[22:36] Annie: Oh, Im sorry Cat. You ok? He's nice, not like Ainsworth, and you like him for real…_
  * [22:38] Cat R: No, yeah, Im fine, he actually has a good excuse. So all is good but Im dead bored at home and I was hopping you at least could give me something to interest me. But seeing you’re having a really exciting evening too…
  * [22:38] Cat R: WAIT!! Ann!! Let’s go out!
  * [22:38] Cat R: Get your ass up your sofa and get changed! 
  * [22:38] Cat R: I’ll be by your flat in… 20 minutes?
  * [22:38] Cat R: I don’t want a no for an answer, so go get ready!!
  * _[22:40] Annie: Wait, what? No, Cat, Im not in the mood…_
  * _[22:45] Annie: Shit, Cat, tell me you’re not already on your way here… Cat?_
  * _[22:46] Annie: Cat?_
  * _[22:48] Annie: Shiiiiite, so you’re on your way, ok, I’ll try to change into something decent. You’re impossible Cat._
  * [22:50] Cat R: love you too, darling!

* * *

15 minutes later, Catherine Rawson was knocking at Ann’s door while Ann was trying to finish brushing her hair while trying to decide what jacket to wear with that soft pink blouse and her flowery skirt. She let Catherine in who immediately decided to help her finish choosing her outfit, get her hair ready, and retouch her make up. In less than ten minutes they were walking arm in arm along the street towards the area of the city with a higher density of clubs and bars. They hadn’t chosen any particular place, but Ann was already feeling better listening to her friend’s silly stories…

After they turned a corner, Catherine saw a little place, a new and obviously gay bar, called Shibden.

“Let’s go there!” said Catherine with quite a lot of enthusiasm. “Let’s try something new, Ann! Let’s have some fun and forget about men! We won’t have to worry about them there, it’s a gay bar I think!” she whispered loudly, a very bad attempt at pretending to not having seen the huge rainbow flag that hanged next to the door.

“Are you sure, Cat? I don’t want to intrude… we… Are you sure we should go in there?” - Ann wasn’t really sure why she was feeling so nervous at the prospect of entering a gay bar. She did want to go… but… but she didn’t want to go with Catherine? Was that what was happening? What if someone saw them entering? What if people thought they were together? What if…?

“Come on, Ann! Don’t be a prude! It’s just a gay bar! And it’s new, look! it looks really nice, it’s not like those places you’ve seen in your crazy old films, I’m sure it’s a nice place. Come on! I want to go there!” - insisted Catherine.

Ann couldn’t protest more or refuse her friend any longer. And more nervous that she could ever admit, she started to follow her decided and carefree friend inside the Shibden.

Once they were inside, Ann was amazed. It was clearly a gay bar geared towards women. It was full of beautiful pictures, most of them portraits, of women of all kinds, shapes, colours, and ages. It was amazing and very tasteful. Everything looked super new, while at the same time the decor of the place was… antiquated? and really out of place for a club or bar, whatever the Shibden was. Wood everywhere made her feel like she was inside one of those old manor houses out in the countryside where she grew up. But she had to admit that she liked it, and that once they were inside, she felt better, kind of safe, and didn’t mind so much that people could see her there - if they could recognise her face at all, as the pictures where well illuminated, as well as the two bars, but the rest of the place was kept in the shadows, ideal to dance without worry.

Very quickly her friend Catherine had started to talk with a group of very young looking girls that seemed to be having a lot of fun. They were celebrating a birthday, maybe a 21st or an 18th, and Cat was very soon celebrating with all of them, dancing and clearly having lots of fun without paying that much attention to Ann, who soon found herself sitting on her own by the bar, drinking her second drink of the night. It was rather funny to see Cat and her new friends all dancing paying no attention to anybody else, being absolutely ridiculous and laughing even harder with each new silly occurrence, and Ann had to admit that the atmosphere of the place was very welcoming. She had always enjoyed observing life, almost more than taking part of it, and that night was no different. She had to admit that she was feeling rather content.

Suddenly, her phone vibrated.

  * [0:21] Thomas A: Ann, Im very close to your flat. Can I come in?
  * [0:22] Thomas A: I want to speak with you, please, and it's too cold to stay outside…
  * [0:22] Thomas A: I’m not mad you left me alone at the cinema
  * [0:22] Thomas A: And I think we can still have lots of fun ;)

For some time Ann couldn’t stop looking at the screen of her mobile, not believing what her eyes were seeing. He wasn’t mad? He? And he wanted to have fun with her? This guy was incredible! Ann couldn’t react, she was glued to her seat, sipping her drink, and looking at the damm messages. 

  * [0:25] Thomas A: We almost did some years ago and I think now we both are at a better place to really enjoy each other’s company ;) ;)

At this Ann was truly shocked and dropped her phone with a start. Why was he acknowledging what happened all those years ago and brushing it off as “fun”? She couldn’t help it, but her eyes were quickly filled with tears and her hands were trembling. Incapable of moving, she almost didn’t react when a warm voice asked:

“Are you alright? You seem to have dropped your phone…” - the woman, tall and with dark hair tided up on a braid, looked serious but truly worried about Ann’s predicament. On seeing her crying, she knelt to recover Ann’s phone, and called the barman to ask for a glass of water. “Here, this will make you feel a bit better, drink this. It’s only water, I promise” she said while giving Ann the glass.

“Th… Thanks” - managed to say Ann. “Thanks. I’m… I’m ok. Really. It’s… I’m Ok” she said while sniffing softly and putting her phone back in her bag.

“You don’t look that fine to me, dear. You sure you don’t need anything? Is anybody bothering you here in the bar? I will get them kicked out immediately if that’s the case.” - the woman said while frowning with worry.

“Thanks, that’s... that’s very nice of you. No… nobody is bothering… I mean… nobody here is bothering me, but thank you” - said Ann, smiling shyly and starting to regain a bit of composure. Knowing that that unknown woman wanted to kick out whoever was bothering her made her feel inexplicably better. It truly was a pity that she couldn’t kick Ainsworth out from her life…

“Are you on your own here? I can call a cab for you if you want to leave…”

“No, I’m with my friend there… she’s… she’s with some new friends, but I don’t feel like dancing right now…” said Ann feeling a bit embarrassed by Catherine’s group, as they were singing loudly and badly right at that moment in the middle of the dance floor.

“Oh, I see” said the woman with knowing eyes. “Your girlfriend is getting a bit carried away with new friends and you’re left out of the fun…”. The woman winked at Ann, making her feel warm and nervous all over. What was this woman doing to her? It was difficult to think straight with her so close, with her big caring eyes looking at her like nothing else mattered at that moment.

“Yes… Ye… No! No!” shouted Ann “Sorry, I didn’t mean to shout.” Ann could feel herself blushing intensely. “No, I mean, we’re not together-together, she’s just… my friend. Her boyfriend stood her up today and she wanted to have some fun. In theory, she wanted to cheer me up but…” finished Ann rather quickly.

“Oh, your boyfriend also stood you up today?” Said the woman, emphasising the word “boyfriend” in a strange way, almost with a hint of disappointment but Ann was too nervous to register it.

“My what? Oh, no, no, I don’t… I mean.. He’s not… No… Well, it’s complicated” Said Ann incapable of uttering a full coherent sentence with the close proximity of that mysterious woman who was clouding her thinking with every look, with every movement, with every touch…

“I see” smiled slyly the woman. “I have time, if you want to speak about it…”

“Thanks, that’s... that’s nice of you. I don’t know, I… I was set up on this date with this… this guy. We have run into each other forever, we have friends in common. And he… he… well, I think he likes me… But… but, you know… I mean…” Ann was hesitating, she really didn’t know how to speak about it. And with a stranger no less! What was getting to her? Was it the alcohol? It was only two drinks, but this woman was making her feel all weird, but in a good way…

“But you don’t?” the woman finished for her

“Something… something like that, yes” Said Ann, kind of relieved. “But I don’t feel like speaking about him, really. He’s… I... He’s… We… I don’t know” Ann was fighting again to not start crying

“Hey, hey, sorry! I didn’t mean to make you feel bad again! Sorry!” The woman was really apologetic, and started to caress Ann’s arm to confort her. “Hey, dear, don’t worry, ok? I shouldn’t have… Let me… let me invite you, do you want anything to drink?”

“No, thanks, I think I had enough for today. But thanks, that’s very nice of you.” Ann said looking shyly to the woman. “I think… I think I’m going to get going home… I’m not in the mood.. I mean.. I.. I’m… But thanks, seriously… it’s not… it’s not you” said Ann embarrassed looking at her own feet. Why was she feeling embarrassed? Why was she torn? She clearly wanted to go home, but being close to that woman was actually making her feel better… she couldn’t understand anything. So much confusion, it was starting to be too much for Ann.

The woman smiled warmly and extended her hand for Ann to shake. Ann, a bit confused, took some seconds to react but finally shook hands with her. 

“My name is Anne, Anne Lister. I’m sorry you’re not feeling well, but it was a pleasure meeting you”

“Thanks, likewise. Ann.”

“And your name is?” said Anne with a smile

“I mean, I’m Ann, too, my name is Ann, Ann Walker”

Anne started to laugh openly and it was so contagious that Ann couldn’t help but started laughing as well. They were still holding hands and Ann felt the other woman’s thumb softly, very subtilely, stroking the inner part of her hand. It took them still some time to let go of each other’s hands and Ann realised with embarrassment that she was sad for loosing the physical contact with her new… friend?

“Ann, if you don’t mind I’m going to give you my number so if you want, I can invite you to that drink and compensate… well, compensate having made you feel bad, ok?” Anne took a visiting card from her rear pocket from her dark jeans and scribbled something on it’s back. “Here you are, take it and… well, whenever you feel better think if you feel up for a drink… And if you don’t… well, I hope you do feel like it” She finished with a smile that reached her eyes, brightening them.

“Thanks” replied shyly Ann, feeling how she was quickly blushing. “I think I will, thank you”. She put the card inside her bag, feeling strangely happy about it.

“Sure you don’t want me to call a cab for you? It wouldn’t be a problem, I could…”

“No, no, I’m actually pretty close to home, so seriously, don’t worry about it” interrupted Ann with a smile on her face.

“Bye then, Ann. Be safe.”

“Bye, Anne, and thank you.”

Ann tried to find Catherine to tell her she was going home, but she was too busy laughing and dancing. She was having a really good time. Ann decided to sent her a message and not wait for her anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!!  
I don't have a specific plan, but I'm already writing Chapter two... I can't say (and I wouldn't!!) exactly where I'm going with this, but I promise you more Lister content!
> 
> PS: I tried my best formatting wise, but I'm not sure I've chosen the best way of showing the texts and conversations in a way that's nice to read, so feel free to comment on that too!


	2. What has got in me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After leaving the Shibden Bar, both Ann and Anne deal with a sleepless night filled with thoughts they can't - or don't want to - understand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! I'm not sure if I'll ever update so fast, so don't get used to it ;)
> 
> This chapter is a bit shorter, but hopefully you'll be left wanting more!
> 
> Anyhow, I'm so addicted to this story that right now I feel like writing all the time to try to get over my Ann/Anne obsession, but real life keeps existing, so we'll see how the rhythm of this goes later on. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy reading this second chapter! Let me know :)

Ann felt a bit bad for leaving Catherine on her own, but she needed to get home. She wanted to feel the fresh air on her face and thought that the walk home, in silence, would do her good. How to explain to her friend, to her prying friend, what was going on with her? She was sad and really, really mad with Ainsworth, but now… now she was also feeling something else much stronger and she was having a hard time understanding herself…

When she finally reached her apartment she was feeling already better. The feeling of anger, frustration, and hurt that Ainsworth had awakened on her was finally starting to cede some of its strength over her. She decided to send Catherine a message so she wouldn’t worry, even if it meant risking to see more of Ainsworth’s.

  * _[1:40] Annie: Cat, I just got home_
  * _[1:40] Annie: sorry for leaving you :( I wasn’t feeling that well and you seemed to be having too much fun_
  * _[1:40] Annie: btw, are you still with those girls?_
  * _[1:41] Annie: Let me know when you get home, ok?_
  * _[1:41] Annie: be safe!!!_
  * _[1:45] Annie: Cat, you’re not going to hook up with any of them, are you?_

She decided not to tell her anything more about her reasons for leaving. She was sure Catherine would try to pry her open next day, but for the moment she didn’t feel like explaining herself… and even if she wanted, could she do it?How to put it into words when she herself couldn’t make sense of it? How could that evening be so bad and so good at the same time? Feeling still a lot of confusion, on an impulse she decided to check the card the mysterious Anne Lister had given her. The front was a regular business card, with her name, company name and address, nothing that would catch her eye. But she remembered how the woman had scribbled something on the back in very tiny script:

“Ann, you were a nice surprise in an otherwise unremarkable night. Hope you feel better soon. I really mean it when I say I’d like to compensate making you feel bad, so if you’re up for a drink, this is my personal number”. She couldn’t help but like her writing, elegant, slender, neat. Adjectives that could never describe her own. Or anything to do with herself, for that matter. Feeling more bold that she had ever been, Ann decided to thank the nice stranger for her kindness:

  * _[1:55] Unknown number: Hi, I got home safe and sound, thank you! _
  * _[1:57] Unknown number: btw, thanks for being so nice to me earlier tonight. Sorry for making you feel responsible for my misery. I was having a nice time until this idiot guy send me a stupid message. It was actually just me being silly, but I don’t know, I guess the two drinks didn’t help me, and I felt too emotional to be in public. Thank you, seriously, for being so kind with me, you helped me a lot. I got a bit overwhelmed, that’s all, but thanks again and sorry for making you worry _
  * _[1:59] Unknown number: Wow, that was a very long message, sorry_
  * _[1:59] Unknown number: Oh, I almost forgot, this is Ann Walker_
  * _[2:01] Unknown number: Well, good night, and sorry again for that long message_

* * *

When Anne finally could get ready to go home after helping out the full shift at the Shibden, she saw her phone blinking announcing she had received some messages. Expecting them to be from her sister Marian, who she loved way more than she cared to say but often couldn’t stand, she ignored it. She was tired, a bit tipsy -was she ever going to learn not to address her thirst with beer while working? - and distracted. It was odd. She wasn’t easily distracted, she prided herself on being focused, on her work ethics - which some said were a bit too close to being a workaholic, on being sure of herself, what she wanted, and how to get it. But tonight she had to admit that she was indeed distracted. That short encounter with the blond in the flowery skirt had affected her more that she would ever admit, even to herself. Ok, so she was nice looking, but yeah, definitely straight and Anne wasn’t interested in “rescuing” any more lost souls. She was too old for that. Too old for night shifts at the Shibden too, but that was another story. She was straight, she had to be straight, but didn’t she blush whenever Anne looked at her? Didn’t she react when Anne’s thumb had touched her hand? Which, by the way, the blond had taken forever to let go, not that Anne had minded in the slightest. But no, no, Anne, no, don’t go there, she’s straight and you know it. Don’t go down that path again. Focus, focus again. Or at least think of something else…

Walking home felt as the best way to clear her head a bit before trying to get some sleep. She was supposed to meet next morning with Marian to go visit their Aunt Anne back at Halifax rather earlier than she thought reasonable after working the night shift at the Shibden. She should better get home and try to sleep as soon as possible, or she would have to endure Marian’s never ending list of grievances. At her usual brisk pace, she started walking home trying to empty her mind of all that noise. The air was cool and the sky was clear, but she felt like her brain couldn’t get rid of all the noises of the Shibden. Jesus, this was going to be a long sleepless night if she didn’t manage to clear her head before hitting the sack…

Anne was definitely distracted. She had tried twice to open her door with the wrong set of keys, had forgotten to close her shades before getting in bed, and now was almost falling asleep without having set an alarm. Anne was an organised person, with clear ideas, and fixed patterns. No nonsense, she liked to think. But some blond curls where really interfering with her focus right now…

While she usually couldn’t remember her dreams, she woke up in the middle of the night short of breath and completely sure of what had made her feel like that. Was her brain for real? That girl was cute but there was no way this was a good idea. She checked the time on her ever present watch to realise to her dismay that it was only 5 in the morning. She was going to be completely destroyed for the trip up to Halifax. Distractedly she picked up her phone, trying to clear her mind of images of a certain blonde, and decided to read what Marian had to say. And yes, there were few messages from her sister, but she skimmed them really quickly (Anne, don’t be late, Anne, don’t fall asleep, Anne, you were supposed to call me today, thank you for, as always, not doing it) because there were some coming from an unknown number that made her heart skip.

* * *

Ann had been falling in and out of sleep all night. She was more restless than usual and all the doubts, the self deprecating thoughts, and painful memories she barely managed to keep at bay during waking hours were insistently stalking her now. She had tried to get up from bed and walk around her flat to calm her nerves. She had tried to continue reading the novel she had been finding quite captivating until then. She had tried to drink an herbal tea of nice chamomile. Nothing. All was in vain. She was starting to accept she wasn’t going to get any more sleep that night. Her thoughts kept going back to Ainsworth, to his messages, to Catherine and her expectations when she set them up for that date, to her laughter when she was dancing with those girls, to all the pictures in that bar, to that warm voice, to those brown warm eyes, to… that mysterious woman. Why was she thinking so much about that woman? She hadn’t answered her messages yet, not that it was important, but Ann was starting to feel a bit self-conscious, had she messed up being so blabby on her messages? But why was she thinking about her so much? What was wrong with her? She was going to drive herself crazy and finally she will have to admit that her mean cousin Christopher was right in calling her mental… 

A blinking light caught her attention and she saw that her phone had received some messages.

  * [5:07] Anne Lister (S bar): Hi Ann, glad to read you got home safe and sound :)
  * [5:07] Anne Lister (S bar): No need to apologise!!
  * [5:07] Anne Lister (S bar): For anything ;)
  * [5:09] Anne Lister (S bar): It was really nice meeting you, it was my absolute pleasure to help you although Im not sure I did such a good job at it :S
  * [5:11] Anne Lister (S bar): My offer for a compensation drink stands
  * [5:12] Anne Lister (S bar): But, yeah, feel free to decline. You seemed to have enough on your plate already, but let me know if it sounds like a tempting plan, if I can say so Im a rather good listener :)
  * [5:15] Anne Lister (S bar): So, Ann, hope you’re sleeping well. If you’re ever in need of kicking any guy out, let me know, I’d be absolutely delighted in helping you out ;)

* * *

Anne was staring at the screen of her phone. She, who usually was in absolute control of her words, who could kill or melt with them according to her goals, who was never without something to say, had struggled enormously to send a simple answer to the unexpected messages from that girl. If Mariana would see her now how hard she would laugh at her. Freddy, she would say, you’re a lost case, falling for another straight girl, you never learn. And she would defend herself, Mary, I’m not in love, I’m just being nice, unlike other people, I was brought up to be a polite lady. 

But then Mariana would die laughing at the idea of Anne as anything close to the traditional definition of ladylike. Yeah, and Mariana would be right, Anne was anything except a conventional lady, even for the current times. Things were better than when she was growing up and she didn’t want to even imagine how things would have been for her if she had been born one or two centuries earlier. But still, life had been hard on her, not conforming, not accepting rules of polite society, not wanting to follow what everybody expected of her, breaking at every step with what her family, what society, what conventions expected of her. It wasn’t that she was looking for a fight at every turn, but fights tended to find her everywhere. Thank god physical fights have not followed her long, but her nose could still bear witness to that time when she had been beaten up at the shout of “Queer bitch!!”, not that she had told anyone about it or was planning on doing so now. So why was she thinking about that now? Probably, and she would never admit to this out loud, but probably she was still too raw from Vere’s betrayal… 

Yes, that was it. She needed a distraction to forget what Vere had done to her. And what if that Ann girl was straight? Maybe she was bicurious? Hey, she could even be bi and everything would be a bit easier, haven’t they had met at the Shibden, an obviously gay bar? Besides, a one night stand doesn’t care of the other person’s orientation, as long as both parties were willing participants of whatever happened, wasn’t that what she had always told herself?

When she was in the middle of these thoughts, a soft buzzing woke her up from her reverie. More messages…

  * _[5:22] Ann Walker: Hey :) _
  * _[5:22] Ann Walker: You were really helpful, believe me. You’re very nice :)_
  * _[5:24] Ann Walker: So, about the drink… You don’t need to, seriously, I don’t want to bother you any more, you have done more than enough already. And I’m not really sure you really want to listen to me babbling any more about my silly boring little problems with men. Well, with that man, not that I have “men” around, if you know what I mean._  
_But if, and no obligation, seriously, only if you want to have a drink, or a coffee, let me know when you’re free, I think it would be nice to see you again, and hopefully I’d manage to be a better conversation partner than last time. No crying this time, promised!_
  * _[5:27] Ann Walker: So, yeah, let me know if you’re up to have a drink or something sometime. Hope you’re sleeping better than me. Good night, Anne!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for reading!!
> 
> I hope you've liked it! Thanks a lot for all the comments and kudos, they mean a lot!
> 
> I promise next chapter won't be all messages :D


	3. Everything needs to start somewhere...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Ann(e)s start to talk...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, lot's of messages here too, don't hate me! ;) 
> 
> And now, with the fantastic help of Weezlez, it's Beta'd! so hopefully it will make for a smoother read. Enjoy!

  * [5:25] Anne Lister (S bar): It seems none of us can sleep tonight, hopefully it will change now :)
  * [5:25] Anne Lister (S bar): I’m sad I didn’t reach my phone on time before you tried to sleep again, though
  * _[5:27] Ann Walker: hey_
  * _[5:27] Ann Walker: Not yet, I’m still awake…_
  * [5:27] Anne Lister (S bar): hey! :) happy to read this!
  * [5:27] Anne Lister (S bar): I mean, I’m sorry you can’t sleep, but I’m happy to catch you. I can’t sleep either and a bit of conversation sounds fantastic
  * _[5:28] Ann Walker: yes, it does :)_
  * [5:28] Anne Lister (S bar): How was your walk home? Are you feeling better now?
  * _[5:28] Ann Walker: it was nice :) I feel much better, thanks, the fresh air really did me good…_
  * _[5:29] Ann Walker: as, well, as you… you also did me good_
  * [5:29] Anne Lister (S bar): that’s my specialty
  * [5:29] Anne Lister (S bar): making girls feel good ;)
  * _[5:29] Ann Walker: Is that so? Do you console many tearful girls at the Shibden?_
  * [5:29] Anne Lister (S bar): well… no
  * [5:30] Anne Lister (S bar): I have to confess…
  * [5:30] Anne Lister (S bar): you’re the first ;)
  * _[5:30] Ann Walker: hahahahaha_
  * _[5:30] Ann Walker: I’m not sure I should believe you ;)_
  * [5:31] Anne Lister (S bar): What are you implying, Miss Walker? That I’m not trustworthy? 
  * _[5:31] Ann Walker: hehehe, no, but I think I’m not naive enough to believe that I’m your first at anything, Lister_
  * _[5:31] Ann Walker: btw, I prefer Ms ;) only my kids call me “Miss” and it makes me feel… odd? who’s business is apart from mine that I’m not married after all?_
  * [5:31] Anne Lister (S bar): mine? :P
  * [5:31] Anne Lister (S bar): just kidding, but well noted, Ms Walker ;)
  * _[5:31] Ann Walker: and you, Anne, what do you prefer? Miss, Mrs, Ms, something else?_
  * [5:32] Anne Lister (S bar): mmmmhhh
  * [5:32] Anne Lister (S bar): thing is, not being married, I also get called Miss a lot at work. At the beginning I complained, I was a… peculiar youth, we can say
  * [5:33] Anne Lister (S bar): But now I let it go because I need to be able to berate them for other stuff. I like to say that I’ve finally learnt to choose my battles…
  * _[5:33] Ann Walker: And what would those battles be?_
  * [5:34] Anne Lister (S bar): Miss Walker, you ask difficult questions!
  * [5:34] Anne Lister (S bar): Shit, sorry, Ms Walker
  * _[5:34] Ann Walker: Anne, don’t worry!_
  * _[5:34] Ann Walker: when you use it, it actually sounds… nice :) _
  * _[5:35] Ann Walker: and you were saying about those battles… ;)_
  * [5:36] Anne Lister (S bar): yes… so… where to start? At work they don’t dear to mess with me as I’m sure they’d like to, but I accept no shit from anybody… I’ve already gotten my fair share in my life, so I’m not willing to accept even a little bit more anymore… 
  * [5:36] Anne Lister (S bar): do you know what I mean? 
  * [5:36] Anne Lister (S bar): Am I even making any sense?
  * _[5:37] Ann Walker: yes, I think I get what you mean… _
  * _[5:37] Ann Walker: I don’t like conflict, though, I wish I was a bit like you, Anne…_
  * [5:38] Anne Lister (S bar): Soooo…. do you mind if I call you?
  * [5:44] Anne Lister (S bar): well, don’t worry, you’re probably sleeping now. Or not in the mood for speaking with strangers.
  * [5:47] Anne Lister (S bar): No worries
  * [5:47] Anne Lister (S bar): forget it
  * [5:47] Anne Lister (S bar): it wasn’t a good idea, my bad
  * [5:47] Anne Lister (S bar): but today I’ll be gone all day and I won’t be back until tomorrow late afternoon, but maybe we can have that drink tomorrow evening?
  * _[5:49] Ann Walker: You’re not a stranger_
  * _[5:49] Ann Walker: Sorry_
  * _[5:49] Ann Walker: I didn’t know how to react…_
  * _[5:50] Ann Walker: But, well, if you still want to, I mean, you asked, so yes, I would say yes_
  * [5:50] Anne Lister (S bar): ??
  * _[5:50] Ann Walker: to the call_
  * _[5:50] Ann Walker: that yes, you can call me if you still want to…_

* * *

“He…hello?”

“Hey Ann, this is Anne… How are you?”

“Hey. Good, good… And you?”

“Can’t sleep, same as you it seems. But I’m so tired from the shift at the Shibden…”  
“Oh, so you work there? I didn’t realise…”

“Mmmmh, yeah, we could say something like that… sometimes… sometimes I take some shifts. It’s just opened very recently, so it’s not that smooth yet… But that’s boring stuff, let’s talk about something more interesting. Tell me about you, mysterious Ann Walker”

“Well, what do you want to know? I’m not that interesting, I’ll probably disappoint you”  
“I don’t think you can disappoint me, Ann” she said seductively. “Let’s see… what do you do?”

“I’m a high school teacher”, “Oh, so those are your children you were talking about, then?” interrupted Anne, “but I also, uhm, paint, it… well, it doesn’t pay the bills or… well, I’m not that good at it, I guess” finished Ann.

“I’d be very happy to see for myself your art, Ann… if you ever feel inclined to show it… I’m sure it’s much nicer than you say”. 

And like this, slowly, they started sharing tidbits about their lives. Anne could recognise what she was starting to feel, but refused to do so. Her curiosity was piqued. Yes, yes, she only wanted a one night stand to erase any memories of Vere, but she had to admit that speaking with Ann was enjoyable in and of itself and not as a means to an end anymore. Ann, on the other hand, was completely blindsided, she just knew it felt absolutely right to be talking to that Anne woman she just had met at almost 6 in the morning. Her warm voice, her overt seductive intonation, how she made her feel really listened to for once… she was getting high on that energy, she even could feel herself flirting back a little bit. She wasn’t even thinking about it, it all just felt so right. It wasn’t like anything before, where she was calculating and trying to keep up all the time, afraid of being mocked at any turn, of something dark about her being discovered if she said the wrong thing… This was natural, she didn’t need to think if it was nice or not speaking with Anne to know if she wanted and should do it, it just was. She wanted to know everything about Anne, but Anne kept asking her questions and really waiting for her answers. 

And then Anne would tell her the most entertaining anecdotes about climbing the Pyrenees or visiting Paris and seeing the Mona Lisa alone by a fortunate accident that involved lots of almost unbelievable details. And of how she had been expelled from school, a boarding school, for falling in love with her roommate when she was just a young teenager. And that story of how she had crossed almost half of Halifax on foot late at night after her father had found her playing cards in the local pub with a regiment stationed nearby. Oh, and also that other story of when she went to France with her Aunt Anne and they bought this amazing and fine cloths but then had to get them back to England hidden because of some misunderstanding at the border… 

In this manner they ended up speaking for more than two hours, two of the best hours Ann could remember. When she was finally too sleepy to carry on with the conversation anymore, feeling an enormous sadness that she couldn’t understand, she had said goodnight to Anne. She hung up feeling all warm inside and slept with no anxiety or disturbing dreams for the first time since her parents had died. She hadn’t found out many details about the day to day reality of Anne, but she felt she had just opened a fascinating book and had the privilege of reading the first few pages… If the rest of the book was only half as interesting as what she had already seen, Ann wanted to read the whole thing. Anne, on her part, decided that it would be foolish to try to sleep now seeing how Marian would be there in less than an hour to pick her up to go up to Halifax. Definitely, that was the only reason she was afraid of going to bed right now. Anne wasn’t afraid of longing for companionship, even less the company of a certain blonde who, in any case, was straight and maybe not into one night stands, and… No, not at all. It was strictly a practical matter to avoid having one discussion more with her dear sister. So she made coffee and opened the three newspapers she was subscribed to on her Ipad. Regretfully, she couldn’t concentrate at all and certain daydreaming fantasies brought her very far away from the news…

* * *

“Knock, knock, knock!!” 

“Knock, knock, knock!!” 

“AAAAAAAAAnneeeee!!!! “

“AAAAAAAAAnneeeee!!!! Your phone is off! I hope you’re not sleeping and… open this damm door!” Marian was trying her best to raise her sister, and, incidentally, half of her neighbourhood “or I will kill you! AAAAAAAAAnneeeee!!!! ”

Anne had fallen asleep on the kitchen counter and she woke up with a start on hearing her sister Marian shouting her name from outside her door. Shit! She hadn’t even had a shower, drank her coffee, or, for that matter, was properly awake and Marian was already there. This was going to be a long day. And no battery left on her phone, great.

“I don’t see how you could kill me if I don’t open the door for you first, Marian” a very sleepy but sarcastic Anne shouted back. She got to the door and opened it before Marian could knock again.

“It took you long enough. By the way, you look awful. What happened to you?” said Marian with a slightly horrified voice, looking at her disheveled presence and very clearly not awake face.

“Good morning to you too, Marian” said Anne trying to suppress a yawn.

“Yes, yes, good morning, Anne, but have you seen yourself? You even have… dribble… all over your face” Marian finished while scrunching her face in disgust and pointing with an accusatory digit at her cheek. “Where were you yesterday? What have you done??” Marian was getting angry with her older sister again. “Is there any… anybody with you here now?” said a slightly horrified Marian, “Did you forget we’re going to see Aunt Anne?” frustration crept from her voice once again.

“Why do you always jump to the worst conclusion possible, dear sister?” replied Anne with a resigned voice.  
“But did you? And are you alone?”  
“No! of course not, Marian, I remember perfectly well that today is going to be a very long day going up to Halifax with you! I just… I just worked the night shift at the Shibden, that’s all.” Anne avoided looking at Marian while finishing this quite transparently not complete truth, she didn’t want to speak about… well, about why she had spent hours not sleeping and why an almost 6 in the morning call had seemed like a good idea. Shit, she needed coffee before she was capable of telling better lies. “And I’m not alone since I believe you’re here and not an apparition…”

“Very funny, and oh, Anne, you can’t be serious! Working the night shift at your new bar? What’s wrong with you? What’s next, buying a coal mine and going down the shaft yourself? You’re impossible!”

“Marian, you very well know I would only go down the shaft if I was going to sink my own pit and needed to know how it really is down there. But don’t worry, coal is from the past, no risk of me getting inside a mine any time soon. However, I’m starting to think I should go to one of our platforms in the North Sea to understand how it really does work because…”

“Anne! shut up! will you, please? You… you haven’t even showered, I see your cold coffee there in the counter, and you are…” Marian pointed at her making circles with her extended finger “an absolute mess. Aunt Anne is waiting for us to have lunch with her, so move your ass and stop talking nonsense. You’re not going to the North Sea, God gracious!”

“I may, dear sister, I may…” said Anne while walking towards her room to start getting ready for the trip to Halifax. It was going to be a long day indeed…

* * *

Ann woke up at the early hours of the afternoon feeling better rested than she had in the longest time. She went to wash her face and saw a big smile on her face. She was feeling great. After making some tea and toasting a couple of crumpets, she went to her kitchen table to have breakfast feeling energetic and full of creative ideas she wanted to capture in a drawing. It was so refreshing to start a day like this… 

Almost by accident she remembered that she had switched off her phone the night before after finishing that peculiar call and she hadn’t heard from Catherine yet. Once it was on, her phone started to get so many notifications that it took a while until she could use it. With dread she saw some 20 something messages from Ainsworth she didn’t dare to read so instead she muted the conversation, she would deal with him later… or never. And Catherine was clearly up again, even if from her messages it was clear she had been partying for much longer than Ann. Omg, Catherine…

  * [6:07] Cat R: heeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyy
  * [6:07] Cat R: soooooo saaaaaddd you left :’( :’( :’(
  * [6:07] Cat R: we’ve had sooooooooo much fuuuuuuuunnnnnn, Annnnnnnnnn
  * [6:07] Cat R: btw, I’m a bit druuunkkkk
  * [6:08] Cat R: just a bit
  * [6:08] Cat R: buuuuuuuttttttt AAAAAAAAnnnnn, I had sooooo much fuuuunnnn!!! you should’ve stayed!
  * [6:08] Cat R: I’m not telling you anything more for leaving me so early
  * [6:08] Cat R: Ok, just one thing
  * [6:09] Cat R: I kissed a girl - and I liked it! We have to karaoke sooooonnn!!!
  * [6:09] Cat R: good night, you silly girl, I love youuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!

  * [13:24] Cat R: Ann, I have the worst fucking hangover ever :(
  * [13:24] Cat R: And you’re still sleeping, you bastard
  * [13:25] Cat R: Seriously, I can’t with my life… Tequila is a bitch, my head is going to explode :S
  * [13:25] Cat R: wake up! wake up! I want to speak with youuuuuuu!
  * [13:26] Cat R: oh, and the kiss with that girl I told you about? I almost don’t remember it, I was drunk out of my mind, but it seems that drunk Cat enjoyed it :D
  * [13:26] Cat R: ok, I’ll let you sleep, but please, please, please, wake up already!!

  * [14:56] Cat R: Shit, Ann, are you still asleep?
  * [14:56] Cat R: ‘Cause your boy is messaging me… he says you’re not answering since yesterday, he’s worried some
  * [14:56] Cat R: I told him you’re ok, just probably fighting a bad hangover, but love, are you ok?
  * [14:57] Cat R: Let me know when you’re alive again, ok?
  * [14:57] Cat R: and for God’s sake, let him know you’re alive too
  * [14:57] Cat R: Do you know that he really, really likes you, don’t you? Are you going to give him a second chance?
  * [14:58] Cat R: I already told him off for being late for the cinema ;) but come on, Ann, let him show you he can show proper respect for films ;) and you :P
  * [14:59] Cat R: love you!

  * [15: 37] Cat R: Ann, as you’re impossible, I’ve organised you another date with Mr. Ainsworth, thank me later ;)
  * [15:37] Cat R: Dinner date! - I’ve already told him he’s paying and the restaurant better be fucking expensive!
  * [15:37] Cat R: You see I keep your back? ;)
  * [15:38] Cat R: Oh, I know you’re free tomorrow, so, yeah, tomorrow is your date - so you don’t have the chance of running away! Pick up time 8 pm at your place
  * [15:38] Cat R: Love you! (ps. wake up, lazy ass!!)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! And for your comments and kudos, they all mean a lot!
> 
> So I'm sorry to say that I'll need to force myself to slow down a bit, as I need to do some real life stuff I've been postponing (procrastination is my main source of productivity, alas). So you can expect next update sometime next week...
> 
> PS: there's only one anecdote Anne tells Ann that I totally invented. I really need to get reading more about her, because every new detail I learn about her is absolutely fascinating


	4. I'm busy tomorrow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ann suffers the aftermath of Catherine's message, but then another message gives her hope... 
> 
> Anne and Marian travel together to Halifax, but the Ann(e)s want to speak again... 
> 
> (ok, my summaries are getting worse with every chapter. But things happen and I hate spoilers. There's some angst, lots of conversations, and inner thoughts. Better?)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: in this chapter Ann is going to think about what happened with Ainsworth (and not in the best way). So proceed with caution if that can be triggering. Always take care of yourselves, people!
> 
> hello lovely people! 
> 
> Next chapter is here, a bit later than promised, but also longer than expected, so... It took a bit longer (real life needed some attention), but with the help of my fantastic beta reader @Weezlez, it's ready for you to enjoy :)
> 
> Thanks for all comments and kudos, it's really nice to write when you see people enjoy it too :)

Ann was sitting on the floor next to her sofa crying slow tears. One. Two. Three tears were rolling down her right cheek. One. Two. Three more, her left cheek. Whenever she was really sad she cried slowly, silently, without making a fuss. She never wanted to make a fuss, she never wanted to be a nuisance… and yet how often she was one. She could feel the sting of cold tears trailing down her face, but another type of coldness was reaching for her heart and gut too. And to think that just so recently, so very recently, she had felt just so full of energy and life… How it had changed and so quickly! And now, everything was wrong, she couldn’t cope, how could she? It was too much and she was paralysed. How was she supposed to refuse Ainsworth? And with all the trouble Catherine had gone to for her, how could she refuse him a second chance? And why did she want so strongly to refuse Ainsworth? Maybe Catherine was right, maybe Ainsworth was… wasn’t such a bad idea, maybe it was her just being silly, again. If everybody around her felt the same way, maybe it was she who wasn’t in the right. She was 29, had never had a boyfriend before, everybody was worried about her, and as her family kept saying each time they gathered, maybe there was something wrong with her, what other explanation could be there? Maybe she needed… she just needed to grow up, get a grip, learn to deal with men, and stop being afraid. So what if she didn’t know if she liked a man without thinking it through in the most rational manner. What if it didn’t feel at all like in the movies or any book she had ever read. Life wasn’t fiction, so maybe that was it. She was being silly and childish. Thomas Ainsworth was a worthy man, educated, polite, all in all a very good catch and she was being ridiculous not giving him a chance. If she was honest with herself, she couldn’t find any rational reason to refuse… _That_ was something from the past, and maybe, probably, she was remembering it wrong, he was likely right, they were having fun, both of them, she… she just got scared being young and naïve, and with time she had transformed it into… into something terrible. And if it had actually been bad, wouldn’t she have told someone, anyone? But… but who could she tell? Who could she ask about that so maybe she could get over it and… and go forward? No, no, she couldn’t tell anybody, and what was the point of talking about it all that time after the fact? She would seem stupid, and silly, and childish. It was probably her fault, she had messed up, and not known how to act as an adult, how to deal with the situation. And maybe she had lead him on, and maybe he was just misunderstanding her signals and that was all, and maybe she didn’t even tell him or show him that she didn’t want to… And what about his life, his name, his reputation? She… But… Oh, why was life so confusing and difficult?

How long had Ann being sitting on the ground, she couldn’t tell. She was numb and wasn’t even crying anymore. She hadn’t answer Catherine, eaten her porridge, or checked her phone again. She was stuck. If she could just… but maybe… If… no, she couldn’t… but, surely, it would make her feel better. Anne had that effect on her, even if they had met so recently. Anne had something about her, some quality that could transport her from this mental state. And Anne clearly enjoyed speaking with her too, it had to be, if not last night’s conversation wouldn’t have happened, would it? But why was she thinking about Anne now? Who could understand her? She was… what was going on with her? Why was she so repulsed by Ainsworth and so comfortable with Anne? What was wrong with her? Was anything wrong with her? Could her brain just… stop… for a minute? Just once at least, one minute of peace?

And as if her wishes had been heard by the heavens, her phone vibrated and for the first time in more than an hour, she was quick to reach it and check it up.

  * [17:07] Anne Lister (S bar): Hi! :) How’s my dear Ann doing?

She couldn’t believe it, Anne was writing to her, so she probably wasn’t that tired of Ann, she maybe liked speaking with her as she liked speaking with Anne. Well, not as much, that was sure, but at least she did seem to like it enough to write to her again. Some tears came back to her eyes, but they felt different. Was it joy? No, that was too strong a word, but she couldn’t find a better way of describing it. Maybe she should stop thinking so much about it. Maybe, just for once, she could leave all that for later…

* * *

A hot shower was doing wonders to relax Anne’s body, or, at least, most of her body. She was so tired. She was too old for this. Her eyes ached, her head, her back… could her hair ache too? What was she thinking last night? She wasn’t interested in getting herself entangled, again, in straight-land, what was wrong with her? Argh! And… ok, one night stand, but did this look like a one night stand? Because if she had to be sincere with herself, if she would dare to open her journal and pour her real thoughts through ink into the page, she would have to admit… “no, no, no, no, don’t you dare continue with that train of thought, don’t you dare!”. And then, if she was going to be sincere, she would have to accept that it might have started as a way of getting a nice distraction from Vere, but now this was starting to look so different in such a short time… She was going to get burnt if she kept playing with fire, but “we are not alive, are we, if we are not taking the odd risk”. Oh, great, and now she was getting philosophical in the shower. Nothing good would come out of this, nothing. But you couldn’t warm yourself without risking getting a bit burnt by fire… A bit of risk here and there was, at the end of the day, what fueled her to keep trying, to keep opening new business ventures even if everybody thought her silly seeing how overworked she already was, to continue to pursue new experiences and discoveries… “On verra, on verra…”*

She got dressed quickly, but couldn’t help but check out if that shirt made her look good “even if we aren’t seeing Ann today… Stop! Stop it now!”. Oh, she was going to get tired of two misses Lister this morning… Trying not to think of anything, she packed a few clothes to spend the night at Shibden Hall with her family. She hadn’t slept there in quite some time, but still loved having her own room, full of her trinkets and memories. Memories of past struggles but also of conquests, of lovers, of lone nights longing for more. Mariana had spent many a night with her, in better times, when she still thought Mariana meant it when said she just needed a bit more time, that she would leave her husband for Anne, that she would accept being seen in public together and not as just friends. After everything went south with Vere she had promised herself she’d never let another woman break her heart again. One night stands existed for something and she wasn’t going to fool herself thinking this time love would treat her any better. But then… oh, shit, why was she thinking about that Walker girl constantly? What was happening to her? She really needed to stop with this circular thinking. She was being absolutely ridiculous, how long had they known each other? Not even a day! Oh, God, what was happening to her, too distant, cool, and always under control Anne Lister?

-“Anne!!! You ready yet or what?” Marian’s yell yanked her out of her reverie. “Just a sec!” she shouted back. She finished getting ready and left the bathroom to find Marian looking at her with an impatient look. “I’m driving, you’re in no fit state.” said Marian while appraising her. “At least you don’t look so… destroyed like before, but still, I’m driving”. 

-“Yes, yes, you drive…” conceded Anne without any resistance on her part. She was indeed in no fit state to drive. She could feel her eyes already starting to burn and her head was throbbing with a budding headache that she wasn’t really looking forward to having. “But we go with my car.”

-“Why? Mine is perfectly fine, and I like driving it.” Marian was starting to get annoyed with her older sister, why she must always be so difficult?

-“Marian, I don’t want to… I can’t be seen inside that! No offense, dear, but…” said Anne dismissively. 

-“Why do you need to always be such a snob? Agh!!” retorted Marian, clearly annoyed with Anne now.

-“I am not a snob, it’s called taste, Marian.”

-“Anne, you’re a snob. The biggest snob. The, the… You… you… you should hear yourself some time!” frustration was growing with Marian, seeing how her sister would so often consider herself superior. And yes, she was richer, was a very successful business woman, controlled the family business, and did all this things that kept people swooning over her. But was it necessary to keep rubbing it on her face? 

-“I’m sure it would be very pleasant but…”

-“Shut up! I can’t with you! Argh! Just shut up and get ready, will you?” interrupted Marian, not wanting to hear her sarcastic sister any longer. Quickly she grabbed the car keys from Anne’s hand without even looking at her. 

Marian was already sitting at the wheel, tapping impatiently when Anne put her bag in the car boot. She went to the left door and slouched in the passenger seat. Without speaking, Marian started the car and they hit the road in no time. Anne was fast asleep, relaxed with thoughts of Ann and how soft her skin must be to the touch… When she woke up some time later, Marian seemed less annoyed with her so she decided to try and strike up a conversation with her. At the end of the day, she really appreciated her sister, even is she had the ability to drive her crazy.

-“Marian” Anne tried tentatively.

-“Mmmh?”

-“Sorry for being late this morning. I overslept. I… I thought I could stay awake until you came to pick me up, but I fell asleep reading the news, I’m sorry”.

-“Thanks, Anne… Wait, did you spend the whole night reading the news? I mean, I know you like reading the news, but that sounds quite excessive even for your standards, Anne!” Marian was rather confused, her sister was a bit odd and loved her news, she had to be told off very often for trying to read the newspaper while sharing breakfast with the family, but a full night of news seemed extremely excessive even for her.

-“No, I mean… I… well…” Anne doubted how to tell Marian and how much to tell her… How much was she willing to share? Her sister was quite cool with her life, but… “I was busy until around six or so…” said Anne very quickly.

-“What? How? Anne, what were you doing up until six? What’s going on?” 

Marian wasn’t really buying it. Oh, shit, she had to tell her something, and no option seemed great. Either she had to tell her about the Shibden or about Ann Walker… but no, she couldn’t say anything about Ann… No, not yet at least, no… “Well, you see? I’ve opened… I’ve started a new business venture, you see? And it’s very new, so they needed help so I worked there yesterday night and…”

-“You did what?! Anne! Tell me it’s not true… I can’t believe you” Marian was struggling to accept her sister could be this crazy.

-“Yeah, it’s my bar, I can do whatever I want!” Anne got defensive, she had never liked anybody telling her what to do or not do. It was her money, her investment, her time, and her prerogative to have an extra job on top of her many hours a week real job being a CEO and all that.

-“A bar?? A bar?? You’ve opened a bar and decided to work a night shift? After a whole week of meetings and work with your real job at Lister Land & Energy? Anne…”

-“Yeah, it’s a bar, but you see? it’s a special bar, it’s a nice place, it’s called the Shibden…”

-“No, you didn’t!! Anne! The Shibden?”

-“…And it’s a gay bar…”

-“Oh, Anne…” She said with a softer voice. “I… I understand why that would seem like a good idea, and yeah, maybe it is, but the name? And you working there? Anne… What were you thinking?”

-“Hey, it was Friday, I was done with the office shit, and I needed normal human interaction!”

-“In a bar full of drunks?”  
  
-“Gay drunks are better”

-“I don’t believe you” said Marian rolling her eyes.

-“Well, maybe it’s only partially true, but I only worked a shift there it’s not so bad and the name, nobody is going to connect the dots…”

-“Stop being ridiculous! How long do you think it’s going to take them to figure out that you’re the same person? Are you aware that your name is on the news from time to time?” Of course she knew, she kept sharing those articles with her Aunt, who loved every single one of them, even if it was the most irrelevant piece in the smallest paper in the whole of Britain. “Who do you think you are, Clark Kent? That some silly glasses will confuse people?”

-“I actually change all my clothes, Marian… except my knickers, that’s true” She was getting a bit cheeky, it was impossible to resist the temptation.

-“Anne!!!! For the love of God! Please, don’t be absolutely ridiculous! You are not twenty anymore! And it’s one thing for you to go running around investing in random business, and another is getting your hands dirty everywhere!” the exasperated voice of Marian was reaching new record levels of frustration with her sister. If she wouldn’t have been driving, she would have been likely to smack Anne.  
-“Oh, Marian, you don’t want to know where my hands..”

-“Anne!!!! Stop it! I’m serious! You…! You…! Aaaaaaghhh. Shut up, ok?”

So good for her try at speaking normally with Marian. She had clearly managed to annoy her a bit more than she expected and, on top of that, she had let the cat out about the Shibden. Could Marian be right that the name had been a bit too… revelatory? Well, now she wasn’t going to concede that to her sister, and at the end of the day, who cared if she owned a gay bar? She also owned several luxurious restaurants and it was the 21st century after all, wasn’t it? But she had to admit, even if she would die before saying it out loud to Marian, that probably she had a point, after all, how many other busy CEO’s of companies like hers did she know that owned bars and restaurants AND worked shifts there? But hey ho, it had brought her Ann and she felt more herself, more relaxed in the Shibden than fighting against people like the Rawson brothers. Jesus! Was she already thinking about Ann like that? Wasn’t she supposed to be just a distraction, a way of forgetting Vere and all that debacle? Maybe it was because she was still tired and sleepy, but she really wanted to speak with Ann…

* * *

  * [17:07] Anne Lister (S bar): Hi! :) How’s my dear Ann doing?
  * [17:07] Anne Lister (S bar): Have you recovered from our sleepless night yet?
  * _[17:08] Ann Walker: Hey! How are you?_
  * _[17:08] Ann Walker: I slept better than in years!_
  * [17:08] Anne Lister (S bar): Did you? Maybe you need more early morning calls, Ms Walker ;)
  * _[17:08] Ann Walker: Hehehe, maybe :)_
  * _[17:08] Ann Walker: Did you sleep well?_
  * [17:08] Anne Lister (S bar): Not tonight, no, Marian (my sis) was picking me up early, but…
  * [17:09] Anne Lister (S bar): I have to confess something…
  * _[17:09] Ann Walker: go ahead…_
  * [17:09] Anne Lister (S bar): I just woke up!!! I went to lie down only for a bit after having lunch with my Aunt (Marian didn’t stop talking all our way to the North, almost couldn’t sleep in the car) and… until now!
  * _[17:09] Ann Walker: Nooooo! hahaha, did you? That’s great! You had to be exhausted without sleeping tonight_
  * [17:09] Anne Lister (S bar): Yes :) 
  * [17:09] Anne Lister (S bar): So, listen, I’ve been thinking where should we go tomorrow, I want to show you a cool place I think you’d love. It’s called the Chaumière and it’s a small bar with a very nice atmosphere. I think we’ll be way more comfortable than at the Shibden… more intimate, you know
  * [17:09] Anne Lister (S bar): What do you say?
  * _[17:11] Ann Walker: Oh, Anne, I wish I could, I really do…_
  * _[17:11] Ann Walker: Shit_
  * _[17:11] Ann Walker: You remember my friend Catherine, don’t you?_
  * [17:11] Anne Lister (S bar): The one that wasn’t your girlfriend?
  * _[17:11] Ann Walker: That one_
  * _[17:12] Ann Walker: Not that there’s any other girl that’s my girlfriend_
  * _[17:12] Ann Walker: But whatever. The point is, she has organised this thing for tomorrow night, you see?_
  * [17:12] Anne Lister (S bar): No worries! I understand
  * [17:13] Anne Lister (S bar): Another day, it’s ok
  * _[17:16] Ann Walker: But I really want to see you…_
  * _[17:16] Ann Walker: Can I see you soon?_
  * [17:20] Anne Lister (S bar): Yeah
  * [17:20] Anne Lister (S bar): I’d like that too
  * _[17:20] Ann Walker: :)_
  * [17:25] Anne Lister (S bar): Wait! I just realised! Ann, are you by any chance free this evening? I can’t go all the way back to London, but maybe we could meet half way from here to there? 
  * [17:25] Anne Lister (S bar): It’s a bit far for you, so I understand if you can’t
  * [17:25] Anne Lister (S bar): And you’d have to get in a train kind of soon…

It was sudden and Anne new her sister was going to complain about her being absent from family dinner. Right then she was really happy she had insisted they came with her car, nobody could stop her if she wanted to drive wherever to see whomever. Ann had agreed immediately, not even knowing the timetable of trains yet, so she had sent a message with the details twenty minutes ago. Anne grabbed the car keys and started driving towards the train station of the little village where she was picking Ann up. Why was she really doing this? What had gotten into her? This was starting to feel a bit too much when she kept repeating herself that she only wanted a one night stand. Because, yes, she only wanted that, no way there was anything else going on, no, no, no. 

Marian, as expected, had complained and told her off for missing a meal with the family when they had just arrived. But her Aunt had understood perfectly well her choice and Anne, while seeing Marian’s point, was ok to leave them. She felt excited, she felt alive. She was nervous and giddy. She felt so silly, but in a good way. She really needed to leave already or she would be late for Ann, and, well, that wasn’t like her, she was never late for her women. After quickly checking her reflection in the mirror down the stairs, Anne kissed her Aunt goodbye and left in a rush not even stopping to hear what Marian had to say anymore. 

Trying to calm herself down listening to some music while driving through a back road was thankfully working. Anne could feel herself regain her composure and her cool. She was back in control. In less than twenty minutes she would be arriving to the station and her heart wanted to change rhythms, but no, she was going to stay calm. She was smooth and she knew it, and Ms Ann Walker wasn’t going to change that. She always enjoyed driving, specially through the little English roads that go through villages and little towns you’d never visit otherwise, where you could enjoy driving the car and not like the boring big roads that are always full of traffic and only serve to make traveling a frustrating experience.

Anne arrived to the station with some minutes to spare. She parked nearby and went to wait for Ann. She was more nervous than she would ever admit, but she knew how to play this game. Anne knew how to make women feel wanted and desired, how to entice them with her conversation and wit. She could be a tad obnoxious at times, but she really had a passion for so many things in life that she never had trouble striking up conversation with anybody. And if the other person was a beautiful woman… even less. The dark suit and white shirt she had selected for tonight made her feel good on her skin, she was confident in her looks, which wasn’t always the case even if she was extremely good at hiding it. Thinking back at her time with Mariana reminded her of a time when other people’s comments on her appearance could crush her confidence, but no, not anymore. And today she felt good in her clothes and in her skin. This was going to be a very nice evening indeed.

* * *

Ann was carrying a book to read on the train but she hadn’t been able to read much more than a couple of pages. Her mind kept wandering, going here and there, without allowing her much brain capacity to focus on the actual text. She was happy, though, with the situation. Her mind kept imagining which exciting stories Anne would tell her, how nice and easy their conversation would be, how, for once, she wouldn’t feel that her shyness was off-putting for the person in front of her. And yes, she had to give Catherine a really bad excuse not to see her tonight and get the clothes she was borrowing from her for tomorrow’s date. And yes, she would have to come up with a better explanation for why she was not that keen on writing back to Ainsworth - although she had accepted to go along with the date plan, so Catherine shouldn’t complain. And yes, she felt too embarrassed to tell her the truth of where she was going and to see whom. 

She tried to settle down but she knew that next stop was hers. She tried to check out her reflection in one of the windows, but had to resort to use the front camera of her phone to check that she looked ok. What would Anne think of her? Was she overdressed? Or underdressed? She really didn’t know what to expect from the evening, and not knowing where they were going to have dinner made her specially nervous. At least her soft make up looked perfect, her hair wasn’t doing anything strange, and she knew that she looked good in that dress, so… As she couldn’t stand it any more, she decided to go to the door to wait for the train to reach her destination. She felt an authentic trepidation when the train started to slow down… this was happening, it was real, Anne wanted to spend more time with her! And… if you think about it, it was a bit crazy to get into a train to meet with someone she had just met so few hours ago… But, no, she it felt right and Anne made her feel good and safe. She wasn’t going to pay attention to what anybody else thought. This was good. She had been cautions and mindful of others all her life. Now she was going to be mindful of herself. 

With nervousness, Ann descended from the train. Locating easily the exit, she started to breathe consciously in order to calm herself a bit while she walked towards the street, toward Anne. A while before reaching the exit doors, she saw a lean, handsome figure. Anne. It was Anne. Dressed in black and white. Looking like she had just left a Hollywood’s film from the golden era. She could have competed with the likes of Clark Gable or Audrey Hepburn, such a mix of masculine and feminine beauty she exuded. She wasn’t looking in her direction but further away into the horizon. What was Anne thinking? Something fascinating, for sure. Her hands, resting near the front pockets of her trousers, draw Ann’s attention with such an intensity that she didn’t realise Anne had finally noticed her arrival and was looking at her. 

When they finally met, both hesitated on how to greet each other. Surely they didn’t know each other for long, but surely too a two hours long conversation on the phone at 6am counted for something. Anne finally took the initiative and went for a hug, which Ann reciprocated and, to Anne’s utter delight, lasted a bit longer than is usually appropriate. She saw that Ann was a bit flustered when they finally separated and smiled internally. This was going to be an exciting evening. She was going to bring Ann to a very nice hidden restaurant that served succulent food at a very reasonable although high price. It was out of the London sphere of influence and it felt like a secret discovery every time she went to eat there. She was sure Ann would be impressed. 

While they walked there, Anne amused her with tales about the history of that part of England, how that town had played a role during this war and that war, how this building was actually older than it seemed… and many other anecdotes that Ann found endearing to no end, even if she wasn’t registering almost any of it because of how nervous she was. She was having trouble trying to focus on what was being said while walking next to Anne, feeling her physical proximity, smelling her soft perfume, feeling the breeze, the movement of her arm would cause next to her body… She had never felt so taken with anybody, even less with a nice new friend, but Anne was more interesting, more exciting, more… everything than the rest of the people in her life. It was going to be really good to have Anne as a friend, seeing how alive she was feeling and they hadn’t even spent half an hour together.

\- “Oh, look! That’s the restaurant over there! The tiny timber building” Anne interrupted herself to point to their destination. They were here. This was real. She was going to have dinner with wonderful, pretty Ms Ann Walker…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * On verra = French for "We will see"
> 
> I hope you've enjoyed this story so far!! I'm having lots of fun imagining it and writing it (I can't get enough of the Ann(e)s!!), and it's nice to be able to share it with other GJ fans :)
> 
> Next chapter is already on the making, but we'll see how long does it take me to finish it... I'm already writing and have plenty of ideas, so hopefully it won't be too long... 
> 
> And I'm sorry how bad I'm getting at summaries and titles, it's getting ridiculous! 
> 
> At the same time in a more serious note, I'd like to add in case anybody needs to read this, you don’t need any reason to refuse someone’s interest in you, you are not guilty of anything if someone doesn’t respect your limits, it’s normal to feel shame and guilt but it is not your fault, it never was, it never will be, and your feelings are valid. Ann is having a hard time accepting what happened to her and feels guilty, but she's not, the victim/survivor never is.


	5. At the Restaurant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Previously: “- “Oh, look! That’s the restaurant over there! The tiny timber building” Anne interrupted herself to point to their destination. They were here. This was real. She was going to have dinner with wonderful, pretty Ms Ann Walker…”
> 
> And now the Ann(e)s enjoy their dinner together...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had some crazy days IRL, so thankfully my fantastic beta reader @Weezlez has made sure it all makes sense now :) 
> 
> I hope you'll all enjoy it, as next chapter may take some time to come...

They reach the entrance of the restaurant and Anne, very gentlemanly, holds the door for Ann, accompanying her movement with a hand on the small of her back. This brief and superficial contact is enough to send electricity running through Ann’s spine. She’s still recovering from this when she sees the interior of the restaurant, which hits her so much that she doesn’t even see the Maitre d’ come to speak to them. On hearing a soft masculine voice saying “"Good evening, Ma'am. Do you have a reservation for tonight? I'm afraid we have no open tables tonight..." she can't help but get startled. At that exact moment, Anne gets ahead of her and on recognising her, the Maitre d’ does a little double take to apologise, for what Ann doesn’t really know. 

-“Oh, Ms Lister, I’m so sorry, so sorry, I hadn’t seen you. Please, your usual table is ready. Let me show you the way, please”. 

After walking them to their table and handing them two elegant menus plus the drinks selection, he leaves wishing them a pleasant meal, not without first uttering many please and thank you’s. The table is strategically positioned in the restaurant in such a way that you can see but you’re hidden from most of the other tables. The light is soft and warm, providing a very intimate atmosphere. The restaurant is busy, and while it’s small, the amount of tables that fit inside without any of them being too close to each other is rather impressive. There’s a nice low level of noise, as the walls and ceiling are covered in different decorations and wood panelling that absorb most of the noise. It occurs to Ann that it’s the ideal place for an intimate conversation. At this, she feels nervous and excited, this restaurant is really something special, and Anne’s company is so enjoyable… She’s a bit overwhelmed by all of it, and suddenly starts feeling inadequate. She realises she really doesn’t know what so many of the items in the menu are. And her clothes, what was she thinking when she chose them? Now those clothes feel so inadequate. And what’s worse, she won’t be able to hold Anne’s conversation, she will get tired of her, but now she’s stuck here in the restaurant, and… and she made her drive all this time for this, for this disappointment, and…

But Anne feels this sudden change in the mood of her companion, puts her menu down and reaching across the table, positions both her hands on top of one of Ann’s.

\- “Ann, are you ok?” she frowns a bit “Tell me what’s going on… Ann…” Anne is speaking softly, with a slight tone of worry, and no censure in her voice. 

\- “No, no, nothing… It’s nothing, really, it’s nothing… I… Don’t worry” But she doesn’t sound that convincing. She avoids looking at Anne, while up until that moment she hadn’t been able to stop looking at her wonderful brown eyes. Now she fidgets with the table cloth with her free hand, avoiding Anne’s gaze, she’s feeling so self-conscious, so stupid, so inadequate. She feels how a tear is starting to form on the side of her left eye, but she can’t let it fall.

\- “Are you sure? Are you ok? You seem… changed” Anne’s voice is all worry and tenderness, she is quite bewildered by the change in mood of the other woman, and is afraid of having said something to make her feel bad. But she can’t really think what it could have been, they haven’t touched on any delicate or controversial subject. She really wants this evening to work, but she feels a bit deflated, maybe Ann is regretting this whole crazy idea of having dinner in a strange village in the middle of nowhere with her, almost a complete stranger. “You look uncomfortable, Ann. We can… we can leave, it’s ok”. Anne leaves her napkin on the table, and starts to stand up when Ann grabs her arm, sending electricity through all her body.

\- “No! No, Anne, no! The place is amazing, and I’m hungry, really, but I… I… I don’t… this is so embarrassing, I just… I don’t understand the menu, Anne, all… all these… things… I… I only know them from reading about them, you know? But, but I have no clue if I like them or not! I… I’ve… I’ve never tried any of these, and… and I can’t… I don’t know how to deal with all these options that I really don’t know what they are. And this place! This place is so nice, so special, and… and look! look at me! Look how I’m so inadequately dressed! It’s… Oh… I should have….”

At this, Anne decides she needs to interrupt her monologue, why is this absolutely stunning, smart, and all round delightful girl doubting herself so much?

\- “Ann, dear, you don’t have to worry! You” and at this she sends her an appraising look, while caressing softly the back of her hand with her index finger “look absolutely stunning tonight, believe me, and even if you were wearing just an old t-shirt you’d still be…” Anne can’t finish her sentence, but bites her lower lip before speaking again. “And **I **would have been very disappointed if you had already tried everything on the menu before! I couldn’t impress you then, could I?” says she while winking at Ann. “In all seriousness, though, I was actually going to suggest that maybe we should go for the special gourmet sampling menu. I think it would be the perfect choice for us, if you’re hungry that is. It usually requires prior booking, but let me see if it can be arranged…”

She stands up and lets her eyes wander from Ann’s eyes to her mouth and quickly up again at her eyes before leaving. She leaves the table not before touching softly, very softly, Ann’s arm and shoulder. Ann is left dumbfounded at all the feelings this exchange has produced in her. She was in utter misery just a minute ago and Anne, oh Anne, she has made her feel so much better so quickly. She’s still a bit unsettled, but doesn’t feel the need to rush out of the restaurant anymore. Anne is so confident she can’t help but admire her, and she won’t be surprised if the Lister woman manages to get them the gourmet sampling menu without the clearly necessary prior booking. Oh, how she wishes she would have just a teensy, tiny bit of Anne’s swagger and confidence, how she moves, how she talks, how she touches her so softly, so warmly, how she looks at her lips… Wait, what? But yes, she does it every so often, Ann has realised that her eyes wander down there now and then, but… it feels empowering, not demeaning, and she really doesn’t know why. She blushes enormously at this realisation, but has to admit that Anne’s attention doesn’t make her feel bad or afraid, just a tad nervous. 

-“All is settled” Anne is beaming, “the chef is an old… eh? friend of mine and, well, we’ll get our gourmet sampling meal. We should choose the wine, though, or do you prefer something else? Wine would be the best option to go with the food, probably a white and a red, although I shouldn’t drink much as I drove here myself, but…”

Anne is talking animatedly again, and Ann loses track at some point because she can’t help but let her mind wander on its own. She could spend the evening, or the whole day, listening (or, at least, hearing) Anne speak passionately about anything… What does this woman have? What is she doing to her? Why is it so breathtaking every single time one of her fingers brushes her hand? Why does she feel like she wants more of that contact, to return the physical contact to the other woman? What is going on with her? At these confusing thoughts her face must have started to show signs, as Anne quickly stops mid sentence to make sure Ann is still ok with the idea of having dinner there.

-“Yes, yes, Anne, I’m sorry, I just… uh, got a bit distracted”

-“You mean I was boring you? I’m so sorry, Ann! I can get carried away so easily when speaking about how best to combine wine with food… Oh, I’m so sorry, you must think I’m so self-centered, really sorry about this”. Anne feels a bit self-conscious, she knows she easily gets carried away when speaking about any of her multiple passions. She usually thinks her conversation is indeed very interesting, but right now she can’t help but feel a bit insecure. Is this girl going to get bored with her? Are her charms not effective any longer after what went down with Vere?

-“No, Anne, don’t worry, it was me… I was just… thinking… that… well… that… I… I had never… before… thought that I could relax so much with someone… as, you know, with… you… tonight…”

Ann feels how she’s blushing violently now, and doesn’t even know where to look. How did she manage to say so much or so little to Anne?, she isn’t really sure. The butterflies in her belly are having a dance now, that’s for sure, and she’s nervous, her hands tremble, and she doesn’t even dare to reach for her glass for fear of spilling the wine. But then a steady hand reaches across the table to hold her own hands, anchoring her to the moment.

\- “Ann, oh, Ann” Anne’s smile reaches her eyes while she caresses, very softly, Ann’s hands. 

They’re completely oblivious to their surroundings, so when their waitress arrives with the first few dishes of their meal they are both startled. Ann blushes again and looks timidly at her hands while Anne recovers her composure immediately and focuses all her attention on the thorough explanation of the waitress. She describes with detail all the succulent combinations of flavors and smells that make up each dish, in such a succulent and luxurious way that Anne is completely enthralled with the descriptions. After a few minutes they feel much longer to Ann, the waitress finally leaves them alone so they can start eating their meal, but Ann feels even more confused than while reading the menu. She hasn’t really understood that much of what was said, she doesn’t even understand how she’s supposed to eat the white and yellow thing that she has understood she’s supposed to eat first. She looks at Anne with a gesture of absolute confusion, unable to utter a single word. Finally, she finds her voice again:

-“What’s… what’s this supposed to be again? And, uh, how are we supposed to eat it?”

Anne quickly explains in more normal terms what the different dishes are, as she has been in this restaurant many times and has enjoyed this experience so much that she now understands all the flashy terms and strange descriptions for what they are. She makes Ann feel secure in no time, as she’s so enthusiastic that Ann forgets any feeling of embarrassment she had before.Their moment of extreme closeness before the arrival of the waitress seems forgotten, they’re eating and laughing at Anne’s retelling of different gastronomic adventures around Europe with extreme ease. With her tales of terribly embarrassing faux-pas’ she committed in the past, she manages to erase any sense of inadequacy from Ann, who starts to feel a real warmth towards Anne. 

They haven’t known each other for that long, and usually it takes her a very long time to trust people, but with Anne it’s just different. She’s amazing, she’s so confident, and so very nice with her, always reassuring and making her feel safe… She’s so excited to be spending the evening with her, she doesn’t even worry about having to tell Catherine tomorrow why today she had to change their plans. Anne is so smart, and nice, and interesting, and exciting! She’s… she’s just everything Ann is not and would like to be. She’s a successful business woman, she’s learning tonight, and not really a worker at the Shibden (what’s her role there, she still has no clue though). Not that she would have minded at all. But the stories she tells, the experiences, everything she knows… it’s so mind blowing… so fascinating, so different from any conversation she’s had over the years with Ainsworth or any guy who persuaded her to go on a date. And now that she thinks of it, why is she comparing this with a date? This is much better, but no, not a date, it cannot be a date, she… Well, it’s not a date, it’s just a very enjoyable, nice dinner at a luxurious restaurant where it’s obviously difficult to get a reservation and where they’ve got the special meal without prior reservation… But it’s not a date, it can’t be a date, can it? 

-“Oh, Ann, you really need to try this one! It’s delicious!” says Anne with enthusiasm holding a bit of what looks like some kind of filled pastry. Ann, without thinking, without reflecting on how it can be seen or understood, accepts the food directly from Anne’s fingers, inevitably brushing them with her lips. On tasting the succulent food, a soft moan of pleasure escapes her and closes her eyes in enjoyment.

-“Mmmmmmh, it really is very, very good. Oh, Anne…”

When she opens her eyes, she sees Anne is staring intently at her, feels like she’s not even blinking, it is so intense. They look at each other for what feels like a very long time, until Anne speaks again smiling coyly.

-“It seems like I was right, wasn’t I?” and then she licks her fingers, one by one, in a sensual but not over the top way that deems Ann speechless and makes her blush furiously. She feels her heart beat faster and doesn’t understand what’s gotten into her but she’s unable to hold Anne’s gaze any longer. 

Little by little throughout the dinner they’ve gotten closer to each other, from being in front of each other to sitting close to the same corner and right now their legs are touching a bit. Ann can feel the warmth from the other woman’s body. Anne moves a bit closer and now her arm is above Ann’s shoulders, and Ann doesn’t dare to look up at her. 

\- “Ann” she calls very softly “look at me”. Gently pulls her chin up with two fingers. At the contact, both women feel the intensity of the moment. “Ann, I need to tell you something, ok?” Her brown eyes are filled with emotion, shiny and deep, “I can’t… I can’t hold it anymore.” Her voice is not much more than a whisper now, and Ann moves her head a bit closer to listen to her. “Ann, oh! I want to kiss you right now. I’ve… I’ve wanted to kiss you since, oh, since I picked you up at the station. And now, oh, my God, I can’t stop thinking about it. And, well, and I think that you may want to kiss me too, am I wrong?” she finishes with a smile that reaches her eyes and illuminates her whole face.

\- “No…” Ann’s whisper is even lower, so soft that it’s almost not said. She averts her eyes from Anne, looking again at her hands.

Anne isn’t sure how to interpret that “no” and those eyes that have gone far away again. Does she mean that she’s wrong? Is she wrong? Oh, God, are her senses so clouded by the attraction she feels towards this girl, this woman, who has unhinged her in a way that hasn’t happened in a very long time, maybe since Mariana, that she can’t read signs clearly anymore?

-“Have I misread you? Have I overstepped the mark? Am I making you uncomfortable? Ann, I’m so sorry!”, and immediately she starts to retreat back to her side of the table.

-“No!” This time Ann’s voice is loud and clear, and she finally looks up at Anne without being prompted to do so. Touching Anne’s arm and stopping her retreating movement, she starts speaking again “Anne, I… I don’t know what’s happening, I don’t understand anything, this is… odd” she has truly never felt like this before, she is so used to feeling dread when she realises someone wants to kiss her, that she doesn’t really comprehend what is going on with her, “but… but you haven’t misread me… I think… I mean, I also… I want to… I… I would love to…I…I’d love it if you’d… kiss me, Anne”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it! Thanks for all the kudos, subscriptions, and comments! It's really crazy to see people waiting to read each chapter! I'm having a lot of fun writing this, I love the Ann(e)s so much, but it really makes this even more enjoyable :) Thanks a lot!!
> 
> And let me know if the change of tense worked here or if it feels strange... (If you didn't notice it, maybe it's a good sign?)


	6. Welcome to the real Shibden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Previously…
> 
> -“No!” This time Ann’s voice is loud and clear, and she finally looks up at Anne without being prompted to do so. Touching Anne’s arm and stopping her retreating movement, she starts speaking again “Anne, I… I don’t know what’s happening, I don’t understand anything, this is… odd” she has truly never felt like this before, she is so used to feeling dread when she realises someone wants to kiss her, that she doesn’t really comprehend what is going on with her, “but… but you haven’t misread me… I think… I mean, I also… I want to… I… I would love to…I…I’d love it if you’d… kiss me, Anne”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's taken a bit of time, but here it is!! This time a rather long chapter, so I hope you enjoy long chapters as much as I do!! And, again, thanks to my fantastic beta reader, @Weezlez, for making sure you don't have to read all my mistaken prepositions and strange constructions ;)
> 
> Enjoy!

On hearing this, Anne lowers her head, tilting it to the side. Moves forward just a fraction and, like this, she’s so very close to Ann, so much so that they can almost feel each other breathing. But then she pulls back a bit, sits up, and looks around to make sure no one is looking at them, she’s smiling when she looks back at Ann. Ann is visibly nervous, doesn’t smile but she’s clearly for it too as she keeps looking down at Anne’s lips, up to her eyes, and down again at her lips. Anne gets a bit closer once again. They both move their faces in such a way that they would fit perfectly together if they were to approach each other right now. They are close, so close, but Anne moves her head away to the side and looks down and starts caressing Ann’s arm. Her cheek is almost touching Ann’s, and this time it’s Ann who gets closer, moves her head so that now their ears are next to each other, Ann’s lips are so close to Anne’s collarbone, to her neck, to her body. Anne can feel her breath on her side. Ann closes her eyes and Anne starts to kiss her cheek, very delicately, very softly, very nicely. Ann opens her eyes again and Anne pulls back a bit so she can kiss Ann’s hand, as she’s holding both of them in her own hands. And then kisses her palm, and then her wrist, she would kiss her whole body in that instant. It’s so intimate, so delicate, so tender. She doesn’t stop smiling all this time. Now she returns her attention to Ann’s face, moves her hand to her cheek so she can stroke her as if her skin was the softest and smoothest thing her fingers haver touched. And then her thumb traces her lower lip very slowly, so irresistibly… She really wants to kiss those lips, while Ann on her part can’t help but let a soft moan out. She moves her body forward a tiny bit, it’s so clear she wants this kiss to happen, and rather sooner than later, Anne is still holding back, caressing Ann’s lips, looking at her, but now Ann is holding her face with her own hand, caressing her cheek too, they keep looking at each other’s eyes constantly, both completely immersed in the moment. There’s nothing in existence apart from each other, there’s nobody, nothing, that could take them away from each other right now, at this moment. Anne subtly wets her lips and looks directly at Ann’s eyes, but it’s Ann who pulls them closer, who crosses the final distance present between their lips. She really wants to kiss Anne and to be kissed by Anne. For once, she’s not worried or scared. She doesn’t let go of Anne’s face, and finally Anne tilts her head, parts her lips and goes for it. Ann responds in kind, they’re finally kissing, yes, it’s happening! And it’s incredibly tender, and it doesn’t last long but it connects them in such a way that their smiles can’t fit on their faces. Anne can’t believe her luck and doesn’t want to be parted from Ann’s face, so she holds her with both her hands and caresses her cheek with her thumb. She wants the other woman to know how she’s feeling at this instant, how special this kiss is. There will be, hopefully, time for more passionate kisses, for deeper ones, but now, at this moment, only this kiss, this simple moment, not much more than a peck, is what is important, and Anne’s mind is empty of everything but Ann’s eyes and lips.   
  


* * *

  
\- “I beg your pardon, Ms Lister, was everything all right tonight? The chef sends her regards, she would have liked to have come herself but it’s been a very busy night. But I’m so very sorry, Ma’am, we’re going to be closing soon, and, hum, the… well, we’ll need to get the bill sorted out as well…”. The Maitre d’ has arrived to burst their bubble, but Anne, quick as ever, has taken it in stride and is already talking with him to get their bill, pay and send her thanks to the chef, who apparently has invited them to the desserts they’ve taken. Ann is still shocked by what has just happened between them, she touches her lips, trying to reassure herself that yes, it has been real, she has been kissing with Anne Lister. It’s not the first kiss she has been given, but probably, if she’s truthful, it’s the first kiss she has given. She’s floating somewhere and is not completely aware of the conversation, but it seems that Anne is going to pay the whole bill… Wait!

-“Anne, no!” her voice sounds a bit raspy, and a bit too loud. “Anne, don’t… You don’t need to pay, I want to pay my half”, now that she’s a bit more present, she sees Anne’s surprise on her face.

\- “Oh, no, no, Ann, in this restaurant I pay. You can fight as much as you want, but this nice gentleman, if he knows what’s good for him, won’t accept any money from you” she says with cockiness. 

On hearing this the Maitre d’ blushes and stammers a weak response. Anne gives him a look with a smile, and he quickly returns with everything ready to process Anne’s card. Meanwhile, Ann tries to protest and resist, but Anne is not listening, not now, but finally decides to address Ann’s concerns.

-“Ann, dear, this was my idea. This dinner, well, it’s not a drink as I promised, but I promised I’d invite you to compensate… Let me, ok?” says Anne with such a wide smile that Ann can’t resist anymore.

-“But this isn’t a date, I should pay my part and…”

On hearing this Anne’s face falls, this isn’t a date for Ann? Not even now after all that has happened between them? Maybe it’s true that it wasn’t a date-date to start with, but how could Ann say that now after…? She tries to smile again, hide the turmoil that that simple sentence has ignited, but she isn’t very successful. 

-“Anne, are you all right?” Ann is confused by the change in the other woman, what has she said? Is she regretting this whole thing? Is she regretting spending all this time with her?

-“I’m always all right” and with that Anne decides to hide behind her very well practiced wall, she needs to regain control of the situation, she doesn’t want a repeat of what happened with Vere. But Ann has kissed her and seemed to be eager to explore their physical proximity… She can’t be another Vere, no. And in any case, she will be careful not to let her guard down, no, not any more, never again. 

They have finally paid and are about to leave the restaurant when Anne suddenly realises that it’s very late for Ann’s train. She gets into action quickly, she needs to bring her back to the station before the train leaves but they have less than 5 minutes and the station is more than 10 minutes away for most people. She could probably make it on time, but can Ms Walker keep up with her pace?  
  


* * *

  
They’re sitting in Anne’s car. Ann has missed the last train and they’re in silence trying to find an alternative route. Public transport is not the best around here, or anywhere in the country except the capital. Anne has been checking all accommodation options in this village, and there’s nothing where she would feel comfortable leaving Ann after making her come all the way here to eat with her. And yes, she has resolved to keep her distance with this woman, but saying goodbye now, so sudden, so early… But no, that solution wouldn’t work, it’s not a good idea, Ann would get too close to… to her, much more than she feels comfortable with. At the same time, she can’t leave her alone in this village, fending for herself, confronting the night on her own… Now she’s getting melodramatic, and she knows it. What does she really want? Is she finding excuses to spend more time with this woman that is getting her hooked so quickly, so quickly that scares her a bit? Or is she finding excuses not to spend time with her? She’s going to drive herself crazy. What should she do? 

There isn’t really a good option around here, and she can’t leave her in another town with no direct train to London, Ann needs to get back tomorrow. Ann is still silent. She hasn’t spoken much since their weird exchange at the restaurant. Anne can’t decide what that’s about, or that comment about it not being a date. What is going on between them? Wasn’t Ann busy tomorrow because she has a date with a Mr Ainsworth? 

-“Anne?”

-“Mmmmh?”

-“I can’t… I don’t find anything around here, I don’t know what to do”. There’s a slight panicky edge to Ann’s voice now, and Anne quickly wakes up from her reverie. She has no clue what’s going on with Ann, but she won’t let her be in distress.

-“No, I can’t either. But… hear me out, I got an idea just now.” Ok, she’s going to do it, breathe, Anne, breathe .“I… I’ll have to call my aunt first and ask, but I think that’s the best option. She lives in a big house, I mean, it’s mine, but she lives there, so I’d have to call and ask, but… how does it sound to come to sleep with me at Halifax?” She’s smiling now until… “Oh, God! I didn’t mean it like that, Ann! I mean, to sleep there, and I’d also sleep there, but you know, there are rooms, and beds, so…” Why is she so flustered and embarrassed? In the past she would have used this slip of the tongue to playfully woo any woman to her arms and enjoy a passionate night. Why is she behaving so differently with Ann Walker?

-“Oh, do you think she would be fine with it? Your aunt, I mean… And you sister is also there, right?” Ann decides not to acknowledge Anne’s slip of the tongue, or was it one? She really seemed flustered after saying it, so it must have been a real slip of the tongue… But she trusts Anne, she’s comfortable around her, she knows she will treat her nicely and make sure she’s safe.

-“Well, yes, and my father too, but they don’t count… I mean, it’s my house and it used to be my uncle’s, so it’s my aunt who counts… But anyway, yes, I think she would have no reason to disapprove of the plan. Give me a sec and I’ll call her, ok?”

And Anne steps out of the car for the phone call. Ann sits in the car, still confused, still filled with emotions that threaten to overwhelm her. What has happened to Anne since she tried to prevent her from paying the whole bill? What was the meaning of the kiss? Why did it feel so good, so right, so different from anything before? Why has it felt so much like a date but she still needs to tell herself it wasn’t? What is going on with her? And with Anne? And… why does it feel like such a good idea to go up there to Halifax, so far away, when tomorrow she needs to be in London, exactly in the opposite direction, when today she was supposed to be in London? What is this woman doing to her? What will she tell Catherine?  
  


* * *

  
  
Anne is driving through the same back roads she took coming here. They are so beautiful during the day, but at night any pothole is so easy to miss, that she's extremely thankful for not having drunk that much wine. Not that it would have been a good idea in any case even if she was driving through any other road, but the temptation was big with all that nice food. Thankfully, tasting it had been sufficient to enjoy the food and wine pairing and now she is in perfect shape to drive. Ann is dozing off in the seat next to her. She looks so beautiful in the moonlight… They’ve been in a strange mood since the awkward paying the bill moment, and Anne doesn't really understand what happened, but she’s so glad Ann accepted coming with her to Shidben Hall… Aunt Anne told her the guest rooms weren’t available (some story about repairs and upgrades), but she promised to get Anne’s sofa ready as a bed. She is hopping Ann won’t get scared by having to share the same room, she had willingly kissed her, but now… Now she doesn’t know anymore. If Mariana could see her doubting herself so much, how she would laugh at her… “That girl is shattering the all secure and powerful Anne, Freddy, you should be careful” she would say. But no, she doesn’t want to think of Mariana right now…

Ann stirs on her seat and opens her eyes.

\- “Oh, I’m sorry, you’re driving and it’s all dark, and I fall asleep and leave you all alone and…”

-“Good morning, Ms.” Anne replies with a bit of snark. “It’s not all dark, look at the moon. You looked so beautiful sleeping under its light… Don’t worry, sleep if you need to, but it won’t take us much longer to get there” Anne is grinning, and sees with some hope how Ann reacts to her saying she looked beautiful. It’s not discomfort, maybe shyness, but clearly she’s not uncomfortable knowing Anne had been looking at her. 

-“Well, at least I can try to give you conversation for this last part of our trip…”

And like this, all discomfort about the peculiar bill incident apparently forgotten, both women start talking so easily again. They both clearly enjoy each other’s conversation and their tales of different adventures. Ann is especially engrossed telling Anne about what shenanigans some students of hers have been up to during the last two weeks. It’s bittersweet for Anne, as it makes her think back to when she was their age, a rebellious teenager, a rebel without a cause, misunderstood by all, first of all herself, a misfit that didn’t understand the world or her place in it. But Ann clearly enjoys teaching them, it’s easy to understand that from how she tells their stories, how she laughs at their mischievous machinations that they think are so clever but are very transparent for their teacher… Anne is enjoying this chance of getting to know Ann better, of listening to her speak about her life, about her kids, about whatever she wants to talk about. She’s so fascinating, so interesting, it maybe be worth pursuing her beyond a one night fling… And when was the last time she was truly interested in what one of her affairs did in life? She’s very good at listening, it’s probably a big part of her charm with women used to men more interested in their own voices than their partners’, but this is different, she really wants to get to know Ann Walker, what motivates her, her passions and interests, and not only to be able to seduce her better, but because this girl is just… But this is so scary for Anne. Is she sure pursuing Ann Walker is a good idea? Is she, maybe, starting to develop feelings for this woman?  
  


* * *

  
  
When they arrive at Shibden Hall it’s late and really dark, as the moon is hiding now behind some clouds. Anne is feeling a bit giddy, Shibden might not have been the most impressive house around once upon a time, but now it’s one of the best preserved timber houses in the whole county, and maybe in the whole of England. She’s prouder of it that she can tell. It’s a bit of a pain whenever they need to do any repairs or install anything new like heating, change the plumbing, and so on. Permissions, paperwork, delays, and waits. But then you get to live in a magnificent house with so many centuries of history behind it. They are the owners, well, she is, but more than owners they are the custodians of a piece of history, She’s in love with the house, maybe the only love, apart from her aunt, that she has never doubted.

Ann is curious about this house. Anne has mentioned it’s hers, not her aunt’s, but she doesn’t normally live here. It’s too dark to really appreciate it, however she gets the feeling that this is a fantastic building that, hopefully, she will get to appreciate better when the new day arrives. She will definitely ask for a tour. Her heartbeat has accelerated from the moment Anne’s car started driving through the village, and she can feel her palms getting clammy from nerves now. She’s going to stay the night at Anne’s, and she’s going to wake up and have breakfast with her - and her family, presumably? Even more, she’s going to share a room with Anne, and she’s going to hear her sleep. All this is a bit overwhelming, but absolutely exciting at the same time, and staying calm is getting harder by the moment.

Anne leads the way inside, everybody is already sleeping in the house, maybe it’s for the best, as she doesn’t want Ann to be scared or put off by them. They’re nice, but it’s so likely they will all jump to conclusions about their relationship that poor Ann might run away from her faster than you can say hello. But now nobody is going to jump to any conclusions, even less herself. Ann is a… friend? Potential fling? Spending the night there only because she missed the last train back home, right. Very gentlemanly, she leads the younger woman toward her room, their room for the night. She shows her where the bathroom is, where she can leave her clothes, gives her old pyjamas of hers, a toothbrush and some other basic toiletries, and leaves the room to let her change in peace. Ann is taking the bed, Anne has insisted, and Anne will sleep on the sofa. Guests don’t sleep on sofas in this house, that’s a rule, and that’s it. After some minutes of pacing downstairs, Anne knocks on the door of her own bedroom and goes back in. Ann is looking so beautiful in her pyjamas, she’s not expecting it and she’s rendered speechless for a few seconds. She gapes for a moment, but quickly recovers. She makes sure Ann is comfortable and has everything she needs. And then excuses herself to go to the bathroom to change into her own pyjamas, which she’s very glad to have as an excuse to leave Ann’s presence. She’s flustered, again, for the umpteenth time in the night, she’s feeling tingly, and excited, and… so inappropriate… Ann is a guest and she takes care of guests. She will calm herself down. She will empty her mind of thoughts of beautiful Ann in her old clothes, of Ann without her old clothes… This isn’t helping, she needs to empty her mind of Ann… which isn’t going to be easy, as she’s there, so close, so near… and so far away. 

After many more minutes than those strictly necessary to perform the bathroom rituals and changing into her night things, Anne leaves the bathroom feeling a bit more composed and determined to make Ann feel welcome in the private space of her old room. She’s already in her bed, she has taken one of Anne’s books from the shelves and is reading until she hears the door. Looks utterly delightful in her old clothes too. And the way her eyes look at Anne risk melting her and all her determination to put up a wall between them. Anne settles down in her own makeshift bed, it’s not going to be the most comfortable night, but it will do. And this situation, even if the price to pay is a stiff neck, gives her the chance of continuing her conversation with Ann, which compensates by far the less comfortable sleeping arrangements. Talking with Ann instead of checking her work email seems like a big improvement in her nightly ritual, a change she welcomes even if it frightens her at equal parts. She will need to focus back on the business soon, but for now, all that it’s on her mind is Ann…  
  


* * *

  
  
Like that first night with their conversation on the phone, the conversation between them flows so naturally that one would think they’ve known each other for much longer. Once again, they’ve been talking for at least a couple of hours with both of them so engrossed in it, that time flows without any of them noticing how late it really is. Until Ann yawns, that is, a sign maybe the night is finally catching up with them.

\- “Anne, I know guests don’t sleep on sofas in this house but… your bed is big… big enough for both of us. Don’t sleep there, I feel bad for you, please, sleep here. There’s… there’s plenty of space, you won’t even notice me here.”

I’m sure I’ll feel you, Anne is thinking. Can she trust herself? Will it be torture to resist the temptation of making Ann Walker a genuinely pleasured woman if they are so close to each other?

-“I’m fine here…” she finally answers in a much safer manner.

-“I insist. Come on, you won’t even feel my presence…”

Anne is starting to see that Ann can be as stubborn as her. She disagrees completely, she can feel her presence way too much already, but doesn’t say anything and relents. She leaves her makeshift bed and goes to her own bed without looking at Ann. She knows nothing can happen right now, she shouldn’t get this close to her, but she can’t deny her. Not now.

-“Ok, but try not to kick me too hard, ok?” At this Ann smacks her playfully in protest, so they end up facing each other and laughing in the same bed. Anne can’t help it but it feels so intimate…. and so good. Usually, when she has sex with casual partners, the level of intimacy they reach is very measured, very controlled. And only a very selected few do ever cross that line. But with Ann all her plans, all her rules, are gone, ignored, impossible to follow. They have only shared a kiss, a rather chaste kiss at that, and in public, or at least semi public, but Anne starts to feel that they’ve gone so much farther than with most of her past lovers already. And she hasn’t even touched her. Yet. This is exciting and scary, she doesn’t like not being in control, not deciding beforehand a path forward and then following it. Since she met the Walker girl, she hasn’t been able to keep things where they should be. You don’t get a one night stand to share your bed and not your body, even less in a house where your aunt, you father, and your sister are also sleeping - thank god, on the other side of the house. You don’t spend hours and hours speaking on the phone, or in person lying in bed, with a one night stand. But all these things she shouldn’t be doing with Ann feel so right, so good, so much in alignment with what she really wants that it’s scary. Could there be a chance of having something with Ann? However, no, she shouldn’t let the blond woman get even closer to her, she shouldn’t expose herself so much, she knows how this is going to end. So, yes, Ann was all for their kiss, so that’s something, it’s better than with Vere who never had any physical interest in her, but she doesn’t want to go down that path again because it can only end up with her heart shattered in one million pieces. And no, she just wants some nice sex, some release, some companionship without strings… Yes, that’s what she wants… Yes… But then… What to do of this soppy smile she can feel on her own face? What is happening to her? Why does she keep thinking “oh, seeing this would make Ann so happy, I need to show it to her!”?

And how is it that she’s opening up to Ann so quickly? She’s telling her all these stories about her life, but also about herself… and she seems genuinely interested. And even stranger, she doesn’t feel threatened by Ann having that knowledge of her real self. How long since she last felt it was ok to be vulnerable in front of anybody? Maybe since she was together with Mariana, before it all went sour? She has thought for the longest time that she would never open up to anybody else ever again, and here she is, letting little Ms Walker walk inside her heart and real thoughts… 

“-I came back to the capital, I was living in the South in a small town because… well, I… there was this woman, this friend of mine… and well, she, I thought, also liked me, you see?, but it seems that she was just lonely and liked to be taken care of… Well, who doesn’t like being taken care of, who can refuse being spoilt? She did enjoy my company, yes, but I was never more than an intimate friend for her, a comfort. But, oh! I was in love, I wanted more, I needed more. She was… is beautiful, and sophisticated, with great taste, and intelligent, she’s smart yes, and I have to admit she’s so well connected, and it’s so exciting to be around her… It would have been so very nice if it had worked out! One day I’ll introduce you, I’m sure you’ll like her! But then she went to marry this man, a decent enough chap so that’s something I guess, and… and, little Ms Walker, that’s how I got my heart broken again and ended up coming back to live in London and became CEO of the family company, instead of being in charge of a subdivision as I was up until that point. But maybe it was a good thing all in all, don’t you think?”

-“What do you mean? It sounds like you’ve suffered quite a lot, I don’t… ”

-“But don’t you see? If Vere hadn’t broken my heart I wouldn’t have come back to London, and if I hadn’t come back to London, I’d never have met you at the Shibden… Would I?”

-“Oh, I see…” Ann is blushing furiously at the implications. She averts her eyes and looks to the partially covered by blinds window. She can see a bit of moonlight coming in, and hopes there isn’t enough light for Anne to see her face clearly. 

They stay there, quiet, lying next to each other for a long time. Ann hears Anne’s breathing and it calms her with its regular rhythm. Well, to tell the truth, Anne’s presence while also exciting her in a way she doesn’t comprehend, also calms her, makes her feel good, and more secure of herself. Although silence feels so very comfortable with Anne, it’s so easy to speak with her, to share her dreams and fears… that soon Ann is opening up in a way she hasn’t ever done before. She hasn’t shared a bed like this before either, but that’s something else. Her body is relaxed and she feels she can trust Anne in a way she hasn’t felt before, not even with Catherine or Harriet, her other cousin she’s real friends with. This is the first time she’s talking about her discomfort around Thomas Ainsworth, without details of course, she doesn’t want to frighten Anne away from her before they even…, well, before they even have a chance of knowing each other. But Anne seems to understand her so well when she speaks about feeling uncomfortable under his gaze. Catherine, on the other hand, never really listens to this kind of stuff because she’s too excited for Ann to get someone, to have some action going on, so always dismisses her misgivings. Anne seems to get it, so quickly, it’s really a relief. She often feels stupid, she doesn’t know how to behave around men when they show any interest in her, and everybody seems to think that she’s doing something wrong, that she should relax a bit and enjoy it, as everybody else does… She has felt for the longest time that there’s something wrong with her, because she never feels anything strong towards anybody. No man has ever made her feel butterflies in her belly, no love song has ever really spoken to her like they seem to speak to her friends, or her teenage students, for that matter. She has never had a crush that she’s aware of, she has never really seen why people get so crazy when they fall in love. She knows she’s no robot, but… It’s the first time in her life that Ann is actually putting all this into words, even for herself. But not only is she doing that ,she’s sharing it with Anne, a woman who has broken all her barriers, all her preconceived ideas, with whom she has shared a kiss not that long ago, a fantastic and hot kiss that she can’t really wrap her head around and begin to understand its significance… 

-“And everybody in my family, and my friends, they keep insisting that I should give one of these guys a chance, even if I’m not so sure about them… Because, because they say that if not I’ll never find one, if I’m so picky I’ll never… I’ll always be alone. But then I think, you know?, I think I prefer to be alone than… But they don’t listen, not really, they insist being on my own does me no good… Well, Elizabeth, my sister, she doesn’t, she tells me to do my own thing and forget about all of the… the tribe. But, but, you know?, it’s hard when they keep asking at every family reunion and event if I finally have a boyfriend and treat me like a failure because I don’t… And I want to tell them that, that it’s the 21st century and nobody needs to marry to be somebody anymore, thank God. But then… then I never tell them, I can’t tell them off. But I’ve never met a man that… that I feel… that I wouldn’t mind developing a closer relationship with… and, I don’t know, maybe I’m too picky, or maybe there’s something wrong with me, or maybe, I don’t know, I shouldn’t expect life to be like in the films and songs, and maybe I’m denying myself the chance… or maybe, maybe it’s like this for everybody else, you just chose rationally who would be a good partner and then try and develop feelings for him, and… I’ve never… I… you know when you’re in primary school and you like a boy? I always chose the one who had been nice to me, the one who had lent me a book… I didn’t understand how it worked, everybody seemed to have an answer ready for that question except me. Why, Anne? And then I grew up and still boys weren’t that interesting, they can be good friends, but I never want to spend more time with them or feel like I want to share this kind of stuff with any of them… and maybe I just haven’t met the right one, but… it feels kind of unlikely that that’s the answer… In all these years, in these 29 years, I’ve never felt anything for any of them. Friendship, yes, companionship too, but never I’ve ever wanted any kind of intimacy… Never. Am I a monster? Am I incapable of loving, Anne? I don’t know… Sometimes I wonder…” and like this, Ann falls silent. She isn’t looking at Anne anymore, she’s looking far away, in the distance, nowhere, probably. She’s completely lost in her thoughts…

-“So, Ann, what… what do _**you**_ like?” Anne’s voice interrupts her train of thought after a considerable pause.

-“What do you mean? I… I like… many things…”

-“Yes, but… How to put it? Ann, look at me”. Ann has started looking to the ground, away from Anne. “Do you understand what I mean?”

-“No”

-“Are you sure? What do _**you**_ like?”

-“I… I like many things, I told you. I like drawing, and teaching… and…”

-“Yes, but Ann, do you know what I mean?”

-“No… Y… yes…” she says sounding defeated…

-“So, tell me, Ann…”

-“I… I… well… I never… You… I mean… I… I don’t know… I’ve never…”

-“It’s ok, Ann, it’s ok…” Now is probably the moment of being reassuring, is Ann ready to face the truth? “But you know this is fine, don’t you? It’s normal, it’s good, it’s perfectly ok…”

-“Yeah… I don’t know… I guess… other people… I always felt it was, it was fine for them… but… me…?”

-“Ann” and at this, Anne touches her chin, pulls her face up a bit with two fingers so she will look at her again, “it is, ok? You don’t need to do anything with it, you don’t need to… feel… anything for… me” at this, Anne’s voice isn’t much more than a whisper, “but you will be happier if you acknowledge that it’s possible for you to develop feelings for another… woman…”. There is no response from Ann except a single tear that trickles down her face.

Minutes pass by with both women in silence lying next to each other. Anne is looking with tenderness at Ann, who still refuses to meet her eyes. She’s holding her hand, trying to tell her without words that she understands, that she supports her, that she shouldn’t be afraid. Ann is trying really hard not to cry. Anne’s hand makes it easier and more difficult at the same time, as she feels a rush of emotion every time she stops to think that Anne is holding her hand. She doesn’t dare to look at the other woman, she’s so embarrassed, and so sure she will want nothing to do with her, so immature, so insecure, so… impossible. At these thoughts, she feels another rush of emotion that very likely will make her cry. She doesn’t want Anne to see this, so she turns to her side forcing Anne’s hand out of her own. Anne lets out the softest sigh at this, she wants to be here for this woman but is not sure she will let her be. But Ann moves and finally speaks with a trembling and so very soft voice:

-“Would you… would you mind holding me, Anne?”

She hasn’t even looked at her, the poor thing must be going through such turmoil. Anne doesn’t hesitate even a second and becomes the big spoon to embrace Ann Walker. She hugs her from behind and whispers in her ear with a soothing voice:

-“Ann, you have nothing to worry about. I’m here, I’m not leaving you alone. You’ll get through this, I promise. It’s ok, my dear, it’s ok…” 

Ann seems to start to relax in her embrace, but her breathing takes a longer time to reach a softer rhythm. Anne has nothing in her mind except trying to make Ann a bit more comfortable in her own skin, all thoughts of conquest and seduction gone, she just wants her to feel good in her own skin, her own identity. She doesn’t want to think about it, but it seems like she has developed deep feelings for this woman rather quickly, and right now all her heart is occupied trying to find the best way of supporting Ann. She will deal with herself tomorrow, tonight she only wants to take care of the younger woman…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I say that I enjoy the sloooow in slow burn? And that angst comes natural to me when I write? Maybe I should have, hehe. 
> 
> I hope you've enjoyed the chapter and we will see what chapter 7 has in store for the Ann(e)s...
> 
> PS: I know, I know, I forgot to mention Anne's dad as being at Shibden at the beginning, but I didn't want to kill him of, so he's just there with aunt Anne, as he should be. I should edit those chapters... maybe I will, but for now, just forgive me for forgetting him before.


	7. The morning after I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anne wakes up with Ann by her side... is she really falling for this woman?  
Meanwhile, some drama has to always follow Ann...
> 
> Previously...
> 
> "-“Would you… would you mind holding me, Anne?”
> 
> She hasn’t even looked at her, the poor thing must be going through such turmoil. Anne doesn’t hesitate even a second and becomes the big spoon to embrace Ann Walker. She hugs her from behind and whispers in her ear with a soothing voice:
> 
> -“Ann, you have nothing to worry about. I’m here, I’m not leaving you alone. You’ll get through this, I promise. It’s ok, my dear, it’s ok…” 
> 
> Ann seems to start to relax in her embrace, but her breathing takes a longer time to reach a softer rhythm. Anne has nothing in her mind except trying to make Ann a bit more comfortable in her own skin, all thoughts of conquest and seduction gone, she just wants her to feel good in her own skin, her own identity. She doesn’t want to think about it, but it seems like she has developed deep feelings for this woman rather quickly, and right now all her heart is occupied trying to find the best way of supporting Ann. She will deal with herself tomorrow, tonight she only wants to take care of the younger woman…"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here I am again! Almost a century after last update, here you have next chapter! really, really sorry about the delay, real life got in the way, then I got distracted, then... 
> 
> But between all your kudos, comments and subscriptions, and my awesome beta reader, @Weezlez, I've been very motivated to continue with this story :)

When morning arrives, both women are still sleeping entangled with one another. Anne is still holding Ann in a tight embrace, with Ann’s hair all over Anne’s face, and they look perfectly relaxed. Anne is the first to wake up and can’t help but enjoy the feeling of Ann’s warmth on her body and the smell of her hair reaching her. She may have been missing this companionship way more than she’s willing to admit. Slowly, really carefully as to not wake up Ann, she disentangles herself from their embrace, not without feeling a pang of sadness at the loss of contact. She remembers all too well their nighttime conversation and realises that Ann may very well run away from her the moment she wakes up, so this very well may be the last time she can feel her body so close. This realisation tightens a knot in her stomach because now, at this very instant, she knows she won’t stop her with her usual femme fatale techniques. No, that won’t do with Ann. And for that matter, it won’t do with her either. Not anymore, not now, not with Ann. She’s in this too deep already, she has developed real feelings for this girl that she just met few days ago. Against all her plans and machinations, against all her rational decisions, she can’t deny any longer that the ship of her feelings has already set sail… But she isn’t going to lose hope so quickly, Ann seems to genuinely like her. Throwing all caution to the wind, Anne starts musing on how it would feel to wake up next to Ann back in London, how it would feel to make breakfast for her, or how Ann’s tiny hand would perfectly fit with hers… 

But Anne isn’t a woman to stay long in bed while awake with no activity on hand. She lets Ann sleep and looks at her beautiful face, illuminated by the sunlight that enters through the blinds. How she wishes she was artistic with a pen or a brush to capture this instant for ever. Hopefully she’ll have many more chances to contemplate this beautiful woman… Anne decides to take this peaceful moment as an opportunity to write in her journal, which she has been neglecting recently. There’s so much to pour into the pages, so much ink she’s going to need to figure out what’s really happening with her. Opening the journal feels very good, she’s fulfilling her destiny, abiding by her true calling. Probably the only activity in life that makes her feel truly connected to her utmost truth. Line after line, she pours her heart, her wishes and desires, onto the page. Ink is an incredibly efficient medium for expressing herself, how she had wished in the past she could open up to another human like she does with her diary. But not anymore. Ink and paper are her place for feelings and opening up… 

Not surprisingly, she’s, very quickly, absolutely engrossed in her writing, very liberating, utterly necessary, so when Ann finally awakens she doesn’t realise the other woman isn’t sleeping anymore.

-“Anne?”

-“Oh, hey! Good morning! How are you feeling today?” Anne is positively beaming at seeing Ann’s drowsy smile. Writing in her diary has also done her good. She feels much more confident now, she will be there for Ann and everything will be all right. Yes. Everything will be all right.

-“I’m good, I think I slept better than in a long time, this bed is super comfortable! And you? Have you been awake long?” The bed is truly comfortable, but that’s not untrue of her bed back at home. Ann can’t pronounce out loud the truth: Having Anne by her side, embracing her, comforting her, has made all the difference. Anne has given her the chance at sleeping peacefully as if she had been guarding her against all her nightmares and tribulations.

-“Just a little bit, don’t worry. I’m glad you like my bed” Jesus, Anne! Could you control your mouth for once? You don’t want to make the girl run away from you! “I mean…” she starts, trying to do damage control while blushing violently. What’s happening to her? This used to be her natural terrain!

-“Oh, you cheeky bastard!” Ann is laughing heartily, she’s not afraid or displeased with Anne. 

-“That’s my second name” Anne winks, she’s cocky, full of confidence again. This is going well, all her worries seem to have been for nothing. “Do you want to have breakfast? I’m afraid it means meeting my family, my aunt, my father, and even my sister. They are… well, they’re nice, but, mhm, a bit… well, they love asking questions. But I won’t let them be too nosy, I promise.”

-“Oh, yes, breakfast sounds lovely, Anne! And, don’t worry, I think they will be much nicer than my own family, well, some/most of my family members at least. I’m sure it will be delightful, I’m really looking forward to it. I’d love to meet your family.” Is this really happening? Is she going to meet Anne’s family so fast, so early on? They’re friends, and it’s normal to meet your friends’ families, but… Ann knows that she usually doesn’t kiss her friends like that… or any other way. She doesn’t change all her plans either so she can spend extra time with a regular friend… in fact, she has never done this before for anybody else, not even any of those boys that wanted to be her boyfriend so insistently… But… but what is Anne? Anne is a new friend, isn’t she? Just that. Nothing more. A friend. Yes, that’s all Anne is, her new and very good , and handsome friend. Well, her new and good friend. Yes. 

-“Perfect, then! I’ll go grab some clothes for you so you can have a shower and feel like new, how does that sound?” Full of energy and renewed confidence, Anne stands up while Ann continues laying in bed still a bit drowsy. She’s a force of nature once again, in need of a quest to undertake. Getting clothes for Ann and making sure her family will behave around her at breakfast sounds like the perfect mission.

-“Oh, Anne, that would be so kind of you! But, but I don’t want to bother you, I… I’m fine with my things, it’s ok, seriously…” Of course she won’t mind wearing Anne’s clothes, but they aren’t really her style and wearing them in public… Won’t her family realise? What will they think? On the other hand… feeling her clothes on her skin… it will be a bit like feeling Anne on her skin…  
-“Nonsense, I’ll get you something comfy. Give me a sec, ok?”

Anne leaves her room with a very wide smile that she has trouble to hide. The level of contentment she is feeling right now has been avoiding her for such a long time that she can’t help but being a bit surprised by it once she recognises what she’s feeling. She can hear Marian downstairs and with a sigh starts to walk towards her voice. Asking favours from her sister has never been easy, but now they’re both adults and it should be easier, shouldn’t it? Why is she so willing to do this for Ann, she can’t really point a finger to it, but today she has decided to go with the flow, to let herself… just enjoy it for once. Things haven’t felt easy in such a long time that the temptation to enjoy the moment is far too strong. Relinquishing control isn’t her thing, but for once in so many years, even decades, it feels like the right thing to do.

* * *

Anne goes downstairs and finds Marian sitting in the living room with Aunt Anne and their father Jeremy. Both elder Listers are dozing off in front of the fireplace, which they love to have lit almost all year round. 

-“Marian” Ok, she’s doing this, ‘come on, Lister,’ she thinks, ‘you’re an adult, you boss people around all day long at work and are now afraid of asking a little thing from your little sister?’. “Marian”, she repeats to make herself heard, “can we speak a moment?”

-“Yes, of course”. Marian sees a peculiar expression on her sister’s face, but decides to go along without saying a thing. For the moment.

Anne indicates with a movement of her head for Marian to follow her to the kitchen. She sees with admiration that her sister has already got everything ready for their family breakfast, which she realises just now is only waiting for her and Ann to be ready. However, she doesn’t let anything transpire to her face. She isn’t good at telling this kind of thing to her sister, and she won’t start now. Is it admiration, what she’s feeling for her little sister right now and all from this silly business with breakfast? It can’t be that…

-“So, tell me, Anne, who’s that girl you have there?” While Anne is still lost in her thoughts, Marian breaks the silence with a question much more direct than Anne was ready for. “And isn’t it a bit too much, even for you, to bring a fling home with aunt and dad around? Can’t you keep your trousers on even for one night?” Her tone is more one of mockery than real annoyance. Anne doesn’t know which is worse.

-“Jesus, Marian, do you understand that I interact with women other than those I take to bed?” Her sister really knows how to annoy her. And for a strange reason, Marian’s banter feels painful in a different way, while if truth be told, she would have been generally right. Just… not this time.

-“Yes, sure you do, but she’s in _your_ room right now, isn’t she?” Marian is enjoying this, and Anne can tell.

-“Only because aunt said no guest rooms were available!” This is going South really fast. Anne is having trouble keeping herself under control. Why is she so infuriated by Marian’s assumptions? Usually, she would have loved to be thought to have another conquest, whether it was true or not. But now, with Ann? No, no way! She has nothing but good intentions towards that girl and she won’t let her sister insinuate otherwise!!

-“And are you telling me you didn’t share a bed with her last night?” says Marian with a satisfied smirk. “No, no! Stop! Don’t answer that!” Marian is now pretending to be scared of Anne spilling the beans.

-“I wasn’t going to answer that!” says Anne close to being truly offended. “I would never! But would you mind to shut up for a second so I can tell you why I am here?” Ok, Anne, regain your composure, control yourself, and… just… ignore… Marian. Just. Ignore. Her. Breathe. 

-“Ok, ok…” Marian rolls her eyes at her sister. What on Earth is her sister plotting? She’s odd today, more than usual, she’s being offended by talking about her conquests, and that’s a first!

-“I need a favour. From you” Her voice is almost pained saying that. Her eyes wander from her sister to her own hands, she suddenly feels a tinge of shyness absolutely disconcerting.

-“What?” This is a real surprise. Her sister, the all famous Ms Lister of Shibden Hall, CEO of the family company, the all important sister, is asking her for a favour? 

-“Yes, Marian, I need a favour from you. Stop gaping at me like that! I won’t repeat it again.” She’s starting to get frustrated already, this is not her natural space. “I need a favour because… You see? Ann…” How can she say it?

-“Oh, she’s called Anne like you?” Interrupts Marian.

-“Yes. No, without an e. But yes, Ann wasn’t planning, I wasn’t planning, we weren’t planning for Ann to have to spend the night here so she doesn’t have clothes for today. And… well, your style is much closer to hers than mine, and your size should be fine I think, so I thought you could lend her something to wear, so she would be a bit more comfortable until she gets back home. In a way it’s my fault she missed her train, and… well. But I’ll make sure you’ll get your clothes back of course, you don’t have to worry about that.”

Silence. Anne has let everything out and Marian is… surprised? shocked? Is her sister being genuinely nice with that Ann girl? Her curiosity is spiked, she must be a special woman, that Ann…

-“Would you do that?” Anne breaks the silence as Marian seems to be lost in thought.

-“Uhm, yes, yes, of course, it’s just… surprising, you know? First, because it means you have to ask a favour from me, and we both know how much you love doing that. Second, because… it wouldn’t be the first time, or the millionth time, a fling of yours…”

-“She’s not a fling! We are not… we are… She’s not a fling!” Why is she feeling so insecure? Why is it so difficult to say what Ann is? What is Ann? How have they gotten here?

-“…Is seen by me wearing one of your shirts. I’ve even been exposed to some of them o_nly_ wearing a shirt of yours. You may have forgotten, but I can’t, you see?” Marian finishes despite Anne’s interruption. This stammering Anne isn’t her usual sister. She needs to find out what’s really going on here…

-“Marian, she isn’t a fling, would you mind stop repeating that? And yes, I know that has happened in the past. If you’d learn to knock better, by the way, you may have avoided some of those…” Anne’s tone gets more serious again, closer to normal. 

-“Ok, ok, if you say so… she isn’t. Well, where is she? Let her come with me to check if there’s anything she can use…” Marian decides to relent for now, but she’ll get to the bottom of this. What’s going on with her sister?

-“My room, she’s still in my room, you know that perfectly well. Let’s go upstairs.” Anne motions, once more, Marian to follow her. She’s brusque again, using her usual commanding tone. 

-“Do you remember it’s you who’s asking me for a favour? You could, maybe, perhaps, try for a different tone?” Although Anne has managed to irritate her once again, her curiosity to meet this Ann that has managed to make her sister nice, is stronger. So she decides to follow Anne up the stairs. This woman must be a very interesting creature, indeed.

-“Ok… sorry” replies Anne with a very little voice, mumbling in an almost inaudible way. “She’s in my room, come with me.”

-“Is she naked in there?” says Marian, as she can’t help herself.

-“Marian! No!” Is it possible to be more irritating than her sister? Why on Earth does she have to be like this?

-“Hey, sister, I’ve been around you and your lovers too often, remember?” Marian is enjoying this, and she won’t stop, even if she has decided to be nice for now…

-“She’s… she isn’t a lover, how many times do I need to repeat myself?” Anne is flustered, she can’t help but react to her sister’s words. 

-“Whatever, sis… But do you promise me she’s clothed right now? And I mean, fully clothed? I’m not in the mood for butts and tits…” Anne is blushing! This is too much fun! Her sister is becoming a mess! This is too good not to keep going!

-“Yes! Do you mind shutting up already and going in, please?” Anne responds in a very cutting way.

-“Hey!”

-“Please, Marian.” With a tremendous effort, Anne tries again to control herself… for Ann’s sake. “She’s not naked, I promise. You may come in…”

And with that, Anne knocks on her own door and holds the door open for Marian once Ann has told them to come in. Anne breathes deeply and hopes for the best.

* * *

Ann is waiting alone in Anne’s room while she comes back. Remembering all her canceled plans with Catherine, and feeling a bit guilty, Ann decides to text her. She won’t be able to escape her questions very long, so maybe it’s better if she starts telling her some parts of the truth… Or, at least, that she’s fine and still alive…

_[Annie]: Hiya!_

[Cat R]: Hey! You alive?

_[Annie]: Yes! But I didn’t make it to London last night! I missed the last train!_

[Cat R]: Omg, Ann! Did you get that drunk? And where are you? Are you ok? And with whom????

_[Annie]: Cat, don’t worry! I’m fine, seriously, I’m totally ok. I’m in Halifax._

[Cat R]: Whaaaat?

_[Annie]: Yes, up in Halifax. And I’m fine, I’m going down to London today, later on after lunch_

[Cat R]: You better get here in time for your super date!!

_[Annie]: Well, about that, we’ll see…_

[Cat R]: Ann! Don’t chicken out! Don’t do this again, ok? Don’t get distracted, tell me the rest

_[Annie]: ok, ok. So do you remember I went to have dinner yesterday with Anne Lister?_

[Cat R]: The woman from the Shibden?

_[Annie]: Yes, her. So we had a lovely dinner in a super cool restaurant but we didn’t realise it got so late, and when I tried to reach the station I just missed the last train back home. I was stranded there, she didn’t wanted to leave me in the middle of nowhere, and summing up, I had to come to her family house up here in Halifax to spend the night…_

[Cat R]: Ann, that sounds crazy and not like you, dear. Let me call you, this conversation is getting too much…

[Annie]: And now you sound like Eliza, Cat! But ok, call me.

“Hey, Ann, glad to hear you. But sorry, it’s not like you missing the last train and going to a stranger’s family home further away from home instead of, I don’t know, something more sensible…” Catherine says with a tone of real concern on her voice. Ann isn’t very keen on hearing this, she doesn’t like people reaching conclusions about her or judging her when she decides to do anything unexpected.

“I think we shouldn’t be having this convo by phone, Cat. Seriously, it’s not like what you say. Anne was super nice in offering for me to stay here. I’d have to stay in a shit hole in a remote village with no train station, it would have been a nightmare, there was nothing around available…” Why can’t she understand? Why is Cat not seeing how wonderful Anne has been with her? Anne is the most amazing woman, she’s nice, and generous, and has been nothing but gentle and helpful with her… and Catherine’s insinuations are… painful…

“I want to believe you, Ann, but… Are you sure you’re ok? This woman… you know, I googled her…” Catherine’s voice reflects her uncertainty on how to approach the subject. 

“What? Why?” Ann really doesn’t like this insinuation. She can feel her heart rate increasing.

“Yes, Annie, I did! You should do it too. And she… she’s infamous, you should know that. Her reputation precedes her. She’s… Did she try anything… with you?” 

“Cat! What are you implying? She has been nothing but an amazing friend! She’s been super helpful and generous with me. And she’s a very nice person, maybe you should try to form an opinion of her meeting her instead of reading God knows what rags!” Why is Catherine being so judgmental? Anne is wonderful and she should know it!

“Don’t get angry with me, Annie. I’m just looking out for you, ok? She’s quite the conquistador, I wouldn’t put it past her to try and seduce you. And your family has money and her business seems to be in need of an injection of funds, so I’m not that…”

“We haven’t even talked about that! Those are very serious accusations, Cat!” Ann interjects without letting Catherine finish.

“But be careful, ok? I’m not sure it’s such a good idea for you to be such good friends as you say you are with this woman… In any case, how long have you known each other? You don’t know her, Ann. Seriously. And you may end up in the press, you can’t believe the amount of pictures you can find on the internet of this woman with different lovers! I think she has fucked half the country…”

“Cat, stop, please. I’m fully capable of taking care of myself, and this… this conversation isn’t going anywhere. I’m not her lover, I’m just her friend. And she doesn’t even know my surname, so how could she be after my money? And I’m not planning on giving any material to any of your rags! But I won’t stop being friends with whoever I want to be friends with. Even less for some stupid reason like this. Have the family put you up to this, Catherine? Has Eliza or Aunt Ann, or any of the others put you up to this? Was it Christopher who told you all that shit? I wouldn’t put it past him, you know he hates any woman that casts a shadow over him, and I’m pretty sure Anne Lister is double the businesswoman than he is. What is really going on, Catherine?” Ann’s tone has turned more and more sour, and she can’t keep it down anymore. 

“Annie, I’m just saying, people are worried too…” pleads Catherine with her cousin.

“People? Who are those people? And why are they worried? Have you told the whole family already that I was having dinner with her yesterday?” a slight tinge of panic colours her voice at the thought of the family being aware of those intimate details of her private life.

“No, no, Ann, I haven’t… But… people… the family… they worry about you, you know that, and after what I found I think they would be worried about the convenience of you being friends with her… She doesn’t sound too good…”

“Well, next time you talk with your people, Cat, you can tell them to go take care of themselves and forget about my life, I won’t let them chose my friends, I won’t let them tell me she’s something she isn’t or who I am. So you can tell them that, because Anne Lister is a nice friend who has being nothing but helpful and gentle with me. I’m not in the mood for this anymore, Cat.” She’s done with this conversation. This is beyond exhausting. She’s already feeling panicky and down, all her positive beginning of the day after a good night sleep forgotten. “I’ll try and see you this evening before the… stupid… date…” Ann finishes in an almost inaudible whisper.

“Ok, yes, let’s talk in person… I love you Annie, you know that, don’t you?” says Catherine in an appeasing tone.

“Yes, Cat, I know. I love you too. Let’s… let’s just talk in person, ok? I…I have to go now, don’t worry about me, someone is knocking on my door. Ok? Let’s talk later. Bye.”

“Ok, bye, Annie, take care.”

“Yeah, I will. You too, Cat”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it!!
> 
> I promise not to take that long for the next update, seriously!! I won't say when I expect to update just in case, hehe, but it should be soon-ish. 
> 
> And thanks again for all your kudos, comments and subscriptions, I still can't believe so many people want to get a notification when I update this little thing :)


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